


The Yuri Katsuki Support Group

by PandorasBox (AdriannaRhode)



Series: The Yuri Katsuki Support Group [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angry teenagers, Group chat, Implied Christophe Giacometti/Phichit Chulanont, Implied Georgi Popovich/Christophe Giacometti, Implied Mila Babicheva/Sara Crispino - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Phichit the Twink, a parody of nsync's bye bye bye, a single reference to an NSP song, actually just a lot of screaming in general, aka an emotionally scarred minami kenjirou, at least one attempt to adopt guang-hong ji, bisexual yuri katsuki, chris giacometti aka skating dad, encountering russian men in the park at night, everyone is just thirsty for each other okay, jesus christ just assume that every ship is in here, mickey is the token straight friend, no beta we publish our first drafts like men, phichit's name phonetically, proof that georgi popovich has a heart, references to 80s pop, shipping of various friends, skater group chat, the whole squad roasting jj, ultimate wingman chris giacometti, vaguely scandalous skype handles, yuri katsuki screaming a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9330251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdriannaRhode/pseuds/PandorasBox
Summary: yuri katsudon: UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKENyuri katsudon: WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINTyuri katsudon: VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR(aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)





	1. Ep 1: goddamnit chris

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a nifty little guide to who's who in this horrible mess of a fic.
> 
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)

_8:04 P.M._

_**peach-eat** added **yuri katsudon**_

**peach-eat** : YURIIIII  
**peach-eat** : YURI PLZ I HAVE TO KNOW UR NOT DEAD  
**peach-eat** : AND IF YOU ARE DEAD  
**peach-eat** : I NEED TO KNOW IF I CAN HAVE YOUR SWEET-ASS POSTER COLLECTION  
**yuri katsudon** : i’m alive  
**peach-eat** : YAY  
**yuri katsudon** : what time is it?  
**peach-eat** : time for u to get up  
**peach-eat** : ur flight home is in like two hours  
**yuri katsudon** : WHAT  
**yuri katsudon** : CIAO CIAO IS GONNA KILL ME  
**peach-eat** : bro u already choked in the grand prix final  
**peach-eat** : u can’t sink much lower in his eyes  
**yuri katsudon** : please  
**yuri katsudon** : i’m already depressed enough  
**peach-eat** : i’m trying to rip off the bandaid  
**peach-eat** : bc i love u  
**yuri katsudon** : I love you too  
**yuri katsudon** : I’ll text you when I get to japan  
**peach-eat** : be safe bb

_**peach-eat** renamed the chat to “ **yuri katsuki support group** ”_

_3:58 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : home.  
**peach-eat** : MY LOVE  
**yuri katsudon** : Minako was there, waiting  
**yuri katsudon** : her life goal is to humiliate me in public  
**peach-eat** : don’t be pouty, she luvs u  
**peach-eat** : r u watching world’s  
**yuri katsudon** : should I be?  
**peach-eat** : ur husband is up  
**yuri katsudon** : I can’t watch him right now!!!!!  
**peach-eat** : y  
**yuri katsudon** : He’s at the top of the list of beautiful people who want me humiliated!!!!  
**peach-eat** : ur dramatic  
**peach-eat** : drama queen  
**yuri katsudon** : I have spoken near him exactly once  
**yuri katsudon** : and I ignored him at last year’s grand prix  
**yuri katsudon** : I can’t look at his face  
**peach-eat** : have u had a katsudon yet  
**yuri katsudon** : no  
**yuri katsudon** : rED ALERT MINAKO IS WATCHING IT  
**yuri katsudon** : I HAVE TO GO  
**peach-eat** : skating?  
**yuri katsudon** : practice helps  
**yuri katsudon** : gotta clear my head  
**peach-eat** : ok bb ily  
**yuri katsudon** : :)

_2:17 A.M._

**peach-eat** : YURI  
**peach-eat** : YURI OH MY GOD  
**peach-eat** : YURI I SWEAR ON VICTOR NIKIFOROV’S LIFE IF YOU DON’T ANSWER  
**peach-eat** : YURI KATSUKI  
**peach-eat** : TURN ON YOUR PHONE

 _4:55 A.M._

_**peach-eat** added **dance(a$$)** , **el leon** , and **hollywoodhong**_

**hollywoodhong** : hi phichit! hi leo!  
**el leon** : who the fuck is dance ass  
**peach-eat** : L O L  
**peach-eat** : he messaged me first  
**peach-eat** : it’s chill guys i promise  
**dance(a$$)** : oh nooooo  
**dance(a$$)** : don’t tell me you don’t remember me  
**dance(a$$)** : i’m wounded  
**hollywoodhong** : …chris  
**dance(a$$)** : YAAAAAS  
**el leon** : you  
**el leon** : added christophe to this chat  
**peach-eat** : he asked!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : it’s called “yuri katsuki support group”  
**dance(a$$)** : that’s ADORABLE  
**el leon** : why did you do this to me peach-eat  
**hollywoodhong** : you said you had something important to show us?  
**peach-eat** : YES  
**peach-eat** : HOLD ON  
**peach-eat** : https://youtu.be/H6-eKBEHg1U  
**dance(a$$)** : …  
**el leon** : oh yuri  
**dance(a$$)** : …  
**el leon** : he skated victor’s free skate program  
**peach-eat** : I KNOW  
**hollywoodhong** : and he did it REALLY WELL  
**el leon** : WHAT A NERD  
**peach-eat** : I KNOW  
**el leon** : WHO PUT THIS ONLINE  
**peach-eat** : WHO CARES  
**dance(a$$)** : …  
**hollywoodhong** : chris?  
**dance(a$$)** : wait until i show victor  
**peach-eat** : WAIT CHRIS NO  
**peach-eat** : CHRIS  
**peach-eat** : oh no

_8:33 A.M._

**dance(a$$)** : you’ll never guess what’s happening  
**peach-eat** : CHRIS  
**peach-eat** : GODDAMNIT CHRIS WHAT DID YOU DO  
**peach-eat** : I’M SORRY YURI, WHEREVER YOU ARE  
**dance(a$$)** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**peach-eat** : CHRIS NO  
**el leon** : shut the fuck up I’m sleeping

_12:48 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : PHICHIT CHULANONT  
**yuri katsudon** : I’M GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE  
**el leon** : he lives  
**dance(a$$)** : hi yuri!!! ^^  
**yuri katsudon** : WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE  
**yuri katsudon** : I THINK I’M ACTUALLY DEAD  
**yuri katsudon** : I THINK MY PLANE CRASHED AND THIS IS MY PERSONAL PURGATORY  
**yuri katsudon** : MINAKO KEEPS CALLING ME BUT I CAN’T ANSWER  
**yuri katsudon** : IF I TALK OUT LOUD HE’LL WAKE UP  
**hollywoodhong** : what’s happening?  
**el leon** : yuri is having an aneurysm  
**peach-eat** : …  
**peach-eat** : …who’ll wake up?  
**dance(a$$)** : did you finally catch yourself a man?  
**yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
**yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
**yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR  
**dance(a$$)** : :D:D:D  
**dance(a$$)** : he DID catch himself a man  
**dance(a$$)** : although  
**yuri katsudon** : I DID NO SUCH THING  
**yuri katsudon** : PHICHIT WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE IN THE CHAT  
**peach-eat** : leo, guang-hong, and chris  
**yuri katsudon** : WHY IS CHRIS GIACOMETTI IN THE CHAT  
**dance(a$$)** : why do people keep saying that  
**dance(a$$)** : I was invited  
**hollywoodhong** : wait a second  
**hollywoodhong** : victor is in your house  
**el leon** : like in real life or just in all the posters  
**dance(a$$)** : you have posters? :D  
**yuri katsudon** : OH THANKS FOR REMINDING ME THAT HE’S HERE, I MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN  
**el leon** : is that sarcasm?  
**yuri katsudon** : NOOOOO I COULD TOTALLY FRGET THE FACT TAHT VICTOR WAS NAKED INF RONT OF ME NOT TWO HORUS AGO  
**hollywoodhong** : yikes, typos  
**peach-eat** : he was naked?  
**dance(a$$)** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**yuri katsudon** : CHRIS STOP IT I’M DYING  
**yuri katsudon** : HE’S SLEEPING AND I’M JUST  
**yuri katsudon** : STARING

_**dance(a$$)** renamed the group chat to **victor nikiforov support group**_

**yuri katsudon** : WHY  
**dance(a$$)** : he’s gonna need it  
**yuri katsudon** : WHY  
**el leon** : bc you’re watching him sleep like a predator  
**hollywoodhong** : like Edward Cullen  
**dance(a$$)** : only slightly less sparkly  
**el leon** : slightly  
**yuri katsudon** : I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS  
**yuri katsudon** : HWAT IF HE WAKESS UP?  
**yuri katsudon** : I HAVE TO GO  
**peach-eat** : yuri?  
**peach-eat** : yuriiii?  
**peach-eat** : looks like he’s gone  
**peach-eat** : chris how could you do this to him  
**dance(a$$)** : they just need a push in the right direction  
**el leon** : I’m going back to bed

_**dance(a$$)** renamed the group chat to **ss victuri**_

**peach-eat** : i ship it  
**hollywoodhong** : awwww  
**hollywoodhong** : AWWWWW  
**el leon** : fuck all of you


	2. Ep 2: what time is it where you live?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT I did not expect the reaction to be this big! We're creeping up on a thousand hits in like two days. And the comments? Heck. Thank you all so much??? 
> 
> As promised, the Updated Cast of Characters:  
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)  
> Georgi Popovich: popupbitch  
> Yuri Plisetsky: tigrrfashion

_10:16 P.M._

_**dance(a$$)** added **popupbitch**_

**popupbitch** : helloooo  
**el leon** : oh christ  
**el leon** : who is this, now  
**popupbitch** : rude  
**dance(a$$)** : i wanted some russian insight  
**dance(a$$)** : calm ur underage tits  
**peach-eat** : is that georgi  
**popupbitch** : ye  
**peach-eat** : whats up with ur user  
**popupbitch** : have you ever tried to say my name on voice-to-text  
**peach-eat** : no  
**popupbitch** : mila did once  
**popupbitch** : this is what happened  
**hollywoodhong** : #iconic  
**peach-eat** : so you’re here to gossip for us georgi  
**peach-eat** : bless  
**popupbitch** : lesson no. 1  
**popupbitch** : if youre gonna roast  
**popupbitch** : get the subject out of the group chat

_**popupbitch** removed **yuri katsudon**_

**el leon** : this chat was literally made for yuri  
**el leon** : put him back  
**popupbitch** : dont you think he’s got it rough enough  
**dance(a$$)** : he’ll be getting it rough alright  
**dance(a$$)** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**el leon** : MY EYES  
**peach-eat** : there are children here

_**el leon** changed **hollywoodhong** to **children here**_

_**children here** changed their name to **hollywoodhong**_

**hollywoodhong** : real mature  
**el leon** : I’m protecting you from these animals  
**popupbitch** : ANYWAY  
**popupbitch** : victor’s in japan to be katsuki’s coach  
**peach-eat** : you’re KIDDING  
**hollywoodhong** : :o  
**popupbitch** : yakov is furious  
**el leon** : makes sense  
**popupbitch** : yuri is even worse  
**peach-eat** : …yuri?  
**popupbitch** : plisetsky.  
**el leon** : never heard of him  
**hollywoodhong** : he’s the junior champion??  
**popupbitch** : little shit is training under yakov  
**popupbitch** : and obsessed w victor  
**popupbitch** : he hasnt shut up all day  
**peach-eat** : cute  
**popupbitch** : not cute  
**popupbitch** : I just want to skate, not hear every reason why yuri katsuki is a stupid pig and unworthy of victor’s precious time  
**popupbitch** : I might kill myself  
**el leon** : oh georgi  
**el leon** : so consistent  
**peach-eat** : can we add yuri back tho  
**peach-eat** : I have to go to practice  
**peach-eat** : unlike some of u, I wanna win the grand prix next year  
**dance(a$$)** : awwww that’s cute  
**peach-eat** : goddamnit chris when did u get here  
**dance(a$$)** : I’ve been here the whole time??  
**peach-eat** : ok whatev  
**peach-eat** : I’m gonna go skate

_**peach-eat** added **yuri katsudon**_

**yuri katsudon** : VICTOR  
**yuri katsudon** : LIKES  
**yuri katsudon** : KATSUDON  
**peach-eat** : or not  
**dance(a$$)** : oh does he now? :3c  
**yuri katsudon** : IN THE LAST HOUR HE HAS  
**yuri katsudon** : 1. NAPPED  
**yuri katsudon** : 2. EATEN KATSUDON  
**dance(a$$)** : nice  
**yuri katsudon** : 3. HELD MY HAND AND CARESSED MY FACE  
**el leon** : what  
**yuri katsudon** : 4. FALLEN BACK TO SLEEP ON MY FLOOR.  
**popupbitch** : did you at least take the posters down  
**yuri katsudon** : YES I DID  
**yuri katsudon** : HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE  
**yuri katsudon** : WHO ARE YOU  
**popupbitch** : georgi  
**yuri katsudon** : OH  
**yuri katsudon** : OKAY  
**el leon** : you’re surprisingly okay with this  
**yuri katsudon** : WE’RE GOING TO START SKATING TOMORROW  
**peach-eat** : so he’s your coach after all  
**yuri katsudon** : PHICHIT  
**yuri katsudon** : YES  
**dance(a$$)** : I love how the rest of us are invisible  
**el leon** : he only wants to talk to phichit  
**el leon** : we can say whatever we want and he won’t notice  
**hollywoodhong** : he hasn’t even noticed that we changed the chat name  
**popupbitch** : what the hell is ss victuri  
**dance(a$$)** : victor/yuri duhhh it’s their ship  
**popupbitch** : ah  
**yuri katsudon** : I’M GOING TO BED NOW  
**el leon** : GOODNIGHT YURI  
**yuri katsudon** : GOODNIGHT LEO

_10:59 P.M._

**hollywoodhong** : what time is it where you live?  
**popupbitch** : late  
**el leon** : early  
**hollywoodhong** : thanks

_6:34 A.M._

**peach-eat** : hey so it’s been a few days  
**peach-eat** : has anyone heard from yuri  
**popupbitch** : tbh he probably realized how annoying victor actually is and murdered him  
**popupbitch** : and is now running from the law  
**popupbitch** : without his phone  
**el leon** : you really shouldn’t bottle up your feelings like that  
**popupbitch** : dont tell me what to do  
**dance(a$$)** : check victor’s insta  
**peach-eat** : …i…  
**el leon** : phichit?  
**peach-eat** : I’M NOT FOLLOWING VICTOR’S INSTA  
**el leon** : SACRILAGE  
**popupbitch** : ill summarize. theyre sightseeing  
**dance(a$$)** : it’s cute af  
**dance(a$$)** : they’ve been training really hard and yuri is doing really well  
**peach-eat** : ??? how do u kno  
**dance(a$$)** : you guys aren’t the only people I chat with, you know  
**popupbitch** : speaking of chatting  
**popupbitch** : someones requesting that i let them in  
**popupbitch** : can i  
**peach-eat** : the more the merrier bb

_**popupbitch** added **tigrrfashion**_

**el leon** : lmao  
**el leon** : what a fucking stupid user  
**tigrrfashion** : comin frm the prick named lion  
**el leon** : okay rude  
**hollywoodhong** : georgi who did you let in  
**dance(a$$)** : I thought it was obvious  
**tigrrfashion** : shut the fuck up chris  
**tigrrfashion** : morons  
**dance(a$$)** : yuri you’re like twelve stop it  
**peach-eat** : yuri???  
**peach-eat** : plisetsky????  
**tigrrfashion** : where is victor  
**el leon** : how would we know that?  
**tigrrfashion** : I’m in hatsetsu, you idiots know that pig, where is victor  
**hollywoodhong** : have you tried…looking for him?  
**tigrrfashion** : you think I’m stupid? been screaming all over town and no1 knows shit  
**peach-eat** : you’ve just been  
**peach-eat** : screaming?  
**tigrrfashion** : shut the fuck up  
**dance(a$$)** : use your nice words plz  
**tigrrfashion** : you idiots are no help at all fuck you

_**tigrrfashion** left the group_

**popupbitch** : charming kid, isn’t he?  
**el leon** : I want to claw my eyes out  
**popupbitch** : you understand me  
**dance(a$$)** : aww I wanted him in the group!!

_**dance(a$$)** added **tigrrfashion**_

**tigrrfashion** : yakov knows I’m in japan georgi you little bitch cover for me  
**el leon** : it’s been ten seconds what the hell happened  
**popupbitch** : what am I supposed to do?  
**tigrrfashion** : i don’t fucking know  
**peach-eat** : how did he find out  
**tigrrfashion** : none of your fuckin business  
**el leon** : he posted an insta in hatsetsu  
**dance(a$$)** : amateur move  
**tigrrfashion** : shut up i hate all of you  
**el leon** : cryin real tears  
**el leon** : be nice

_7:16 P.M._

**tigrrfashion** : i found katsudon  
**hollywoodhong** : and?  
**tigrrfashion** : i  
**tigrrfashion** : may have roundhouse kicked his stupid piggy ass  
**tigrrfashion** : just a little  
**el leon** : my hero  
**dance(a$$)** : wait  
**dance(a$$)** : I thought you hated us  
**tigrrfashion** : i do!  
**tigrrfashion** : i hate katsudon the most tho  
**yuri katsudon** : GUYS YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT JUST  
**yuri katsudon** : oh  
**yuri katsudon** : hi yurio  
**peach-eat** : yurio??? :D  
**tigrrfashion** : THATS NOT MY NAME  
**tigrrfashion** : shut up pig 

_**peach-eat** removed **tigrrfashion**_

**peach-eat** : what were u saying bb  
**yuri katsudon** : You didn’t have to kick him out  
**peach-eat** : shhh shh he was bein a lil shit  
**peach-eat** : talk to me  
**el leon** : victor hasn’t eaten you alive yet?  
**yuri katsudon** : No  
**yuri katsudon** : But not for lack of trying.  
**dance(a$$)** : rawr :3  
**yuri katsudon** : NO  
**yuri katsudon** : But Yurio is living in my house now. With me. And my parents. And Victor.  
**hollywoodhong** : and victor???  
**yuri katsudon** : But here’s the best part  
**peach-eat** : better than VICTOR in ur HOUSE?  
**yuri katsudon** : Yurio is totally underestimating me  
**yuri katsudon** : He thinks I’m a terrible skater  
**popupbitch** : well  
**peach-eat** : okaaaay georgi it’s listening time!  
**yuri katsudon** : I mean, I still kind of want to drown myself in the onsen, but  
**yuri katsudon** : It could be worse  
**yuri katsudon** : Oh wait, no it couldn’t  
**yuri katsudon** : Because my friend Nishigori’s kids convinced Victor to host a SKATE-OFF  
**el leon** : between you and yurio?  
**yuri katsudon** : WHOEVER WINS GETS VICTOR AS THEIR COACH  
**yuri katsudon** : GUYS I CAN’T LOSE HIM  
**yuri katsudon** : HE JUST GOT HERE AND HIS DOG LOVES ME AND HE’S SO PRETTY I JUST  
**popupbitch** : if i didnt know any better id say you were in love  
**peach-eat** : ignore these hoes  
**peach-eat** : step one is to get yurio out of your house  
**yuri katsudon** : My mom and sister LOVE him, so he’s gonna stay  
**popupbitch** : if they only knew  
**el leon** : georgi just cuz you’re russian doesn’t mean you have to be such a stone cold bitch all the time  
**popupbitch** : look whos talking  
**el leon** : okay unnecessary  
**hollywoodhong** : wait, how are you online with all those people in your house?  
**dance(a$$)** : yeah shouldn’t you be counting all of Victor’s abs with your tongue or something?  
**peach-eat** : remember that talk we had about there being children in the chat???  
**dance(a$$)** : guang-hong is a capable young man  
**yuri katsudon** : I…left  
**popupbitch** : you ran away  
**yuri katsudon** : I couldn’t hear myself think in there! I’m at the rink. Just got done with a practice.  
**popupbitch** : you know, yakov would love you  
**popupbitch** : you skate more than victor  
**popupbitch** : and thats saying something  
**yuri katsudon** : Thank you?  
**dance(a$$)** : it’s a compliment  
**dance(a$$)** : georgi is too aggressively straight to compliment you outright  
**popupbitch** : i resent that  
**dance(a$$)** : oh go stalk anya’s instagram some more  
**popupbitch** : i don’t have to take this from you chris  
**yuri katsudon** : Right  
**yuri katsudon** : Well  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m going to go to bed  
**yuri katsudon** : Victor’s going to make us run at the crack of dawn again  
**el leon** : heh  
**el leon** : crack  
**peach-eat** : goodnight, yuri

_12:47 A.M._

**peach-eat** : update  
**peach-eat** : yuri sent me a voicemail that was just a solid minute of him screaming  
**dance(a$$)** : good screaming or bad screaming  
**popupbitch** : knowing victor, bad screaming  
**peach-eat** : negative nancy over here  
**peach-eat** : but yeah I think it’s bad  
**el leon** : it’s not like he’s having a horrible time  
**el leon** : his hero slash celebrity crush is living in his gotdamn house  
**el leon** : you think he’d be happier  
**peach-eat** : he would if he didn’t have the confidence of a broken toothpick  
**el leon** : point taken

_1:15 A.M._

**peach-eat** : second update  
**peach-eat** : has anyone considered a routine  
**peach-eat** : choreographed  
**peach-eat** : to footloose by kenny loggins  
**el leon** : phichit you’re a goddamn genius  
**el leon** : I’m calling my mom  
**peach-eat** : u mean ur coach  
**el leon** : I know what I said 

_9:33 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : EMERGENCY  
**yuri katsudon** : I REALLY REALLY THINK I’M DEAD THIS TIME  
**hollywoodhong** : good morning, sunshine!  
**yuri katsudon** : GUANG-HONG  
**yuri katsudon** : HELP ME  
**hollywoodhong** : what’s wrong??? :c  
**yuri katsudon** : VICTOR GAVE US OUR PROGRAMS FOR THE SKATING COMPETITION  
**yuri katsudon** : AND HE MADE A HUUUUGE MISTAKE  
**yuri katsudon** : OH MY GOD I’M IN TROUBLE  
**peach-eat** : yuri y u yell  
**yuri katsudon** : VICTOR THINKS I’M SEXY  
**peach-eat** : okay  
**yuri katsudon** : HE GAVE ME A PROGRAM BASED ON EROS  
**yuri katsudon** : SEXUAL LOVE, PHICHIT, IT’S ABOUT SEX  
**yuri katsudon** : SEX  
**peach-eat** : oh  
**peach-eat** : oh my god  
**hollywoodhong** : chris help  
**dance(a$$)** : you rang?  
**yuri katsudon** : CHRISSSSSS  
**yuri katsudon** : I CAN’T BE SEXY I’M AN IDIOT  
**yuri katsudon** : I’M SO AWKWARD I BASICALLY SHOVE VICTOR AWAY EVERY TIME HE LOOKS AT ME I CAN’T DO A SEXY ROUTINE I’LL BREAK SOMETHING  
**yuri katsudon** : MY LEG  
**yuri katsudon** : OR MY DIGNITY  
**dance(a$$)** : i really wouldn’t worry about that  
**yuri katsudon** : HOW CAN I NOT WORRY??  
**dance(a$$)** : oh my  
**dance(a$$)** : you’ll be fine yuri, I gotta gooooo catch you later :3c  
**yuri katsudon** : BUT GUYSSSSSSS I’M NOT SEXY  
**yuri katsudon** : GUYS  
**yuri katsudon** : I’M FUCKED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the rest of the updates won't be nearly as quick as this, because as the episodes get more and more detailed, the chapters get muuuuch longer. And as it progresses, more and more skaters will be added. Things are gonna get liiiiit. Also, Georgi's user is truly the result of my sister trying to get voice-to-text to type out his name (her phone spelled it george pop-up-bitch). 
> 
> The comments are already making me cry tbh you guys are the best and I love you <33


	3. Ep 3: all food is sexy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guyssss I'm so thrilled that so many of you like this story!!! Did not expect. You are all the best.
> 
> Who's Who:   
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)  
> Georgi Popovich: popupbitch  
> Yuri Plisetsky: tigrrfashion

_7:24 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : WHAT IS EROS TO ME  
**popupbitch** : oh look at that yuris awake  
**yuri katsudon** : WHAT IS EROS  
**yuri katsudon** : WHO AM I EVEN  
**yuri katsudon** : I’M A GROWN MAN I SHOULD KNOW ALL OF THIS  
**dance(a$$)** : calm down  
**yuri katsudon** : This program is gonna kill me  
**popupbitch** : not if you kill yourself first  
**el leon** : jeez georgi tell us how you really feel  
**peach-eat** : the eros thing?  
**yuri katsudon** : YES  
**hollywoodhong** : what’s the program about, Yuri?  
**yuri katsudon** : Okay so I see it like this:  
**yuri katsudon** : There’s a playboy, who comes into town  
**hollywoodhong** : uh huh  
**yuri katsudon** : He bewitches everyone, and goes after the most beautiful woman of all  
**peach-eat** : go on  
**yuri katsudon** : She plays hard to get but then falls for him  
**dance(a$$)** : oh my god  
**dance(a$$)** : guys  
**yuri katsudon** : And then he throws her aside and moves on to the next town, leaving her broken-hearted and pining  
**popupbitch** : starting to sound familiar  
**popupbitch** : you said victor made this routine?  
**peach-eat** : oh my GOD  
**peach-eat** : that means  
**dance(a$$)** : shhh phichit  
**el leon** : this is getting good  
**yuri katsudon** : Victor’s just sitting here eating katsudon and ignoring me  
**yuri katsudon** : Helppp please  
**peach-eat** : alright well  
**yuri katsudon** : Wait  
**yuri katsudon** : WAIT  
**yuri katsudon** : KATSUDON  
**yuri katsudon** : THANKS GUYS YOU’RE THE BEST  
**peach-eat** : wait yuri what  
**hollywoodhong** : yuri?  
**el leon** : did he  
**el leon** : did he just  
**peach-eat** : yes  
**dance(a$$)** : but katsudon is a food?  
**peach-eat** : yes  
**popupbitch** : i dont get it is he gonna fuck the pork bowl  
**peach-eat** : u know what  
**peach-eat** : maybe

_7:31 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : KATSUDON  
**yuri katsudon** : DID I ACUALLY SAY THAT OUT LOUD TO VICTOR  
**yuri katsudon** : I’M GONNA GO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK AND DIE  
**popupbitch** : told you he was gonna kill himself  
**el leon** : why is this chat so morbid now  
**dance(a$$)** : i blame georgi  
**popupbitch** : excuse you i had nothing to do with this  
**popupbitch** : up until now at least  
**peach-eat** : well, yuri, at least he’s coaching u now!!  
**yuri katsudon** : That’s true  
**dance(a$$)** : but you’re basing the program on your favorite food  
**dance(a$$)** : kind of unconventional  
**popupbitch** : thats putting it mildly  
**yuri katsudon** : No you’re right! It’s a catastrophe!!  
**yuri katsudon** : Now Victor just has me PICTURE KATSUDON when I skate  
**yuri katsudon** : He says shit like “imagine the egg tangling! be the rice!”  
**el leon** : to be fair youre the one who wanted to be a rice bowl  
**yuri katsudon** : Don’t get me wrong, katsudon is the best! It’s just not…  
**yuri katsudon** : Sexy.  
**el leon** : all food is sexy  
**el leon** : never let anyone tell you otherwise  
**yuri katsudon** : Thanks, Leo  
**yuri katsudon** : That’s oddly inspiring  
**el leon** : hell yeah

_11:15 P.M._

**popupbitch** : hey yuri  
**popupbitch** : can victor even…like…see you?  
**popupbitch** : half his face is covered at all times by his stupid hair  
**popupbitch** : might not even know what you look like  
**yuri katsudon** : You know, I don’t know that it matters  
**yuri katsudon** : Because he’s so damn good looking that it hurts people  
**peach-eat** : explain  
**yuri katsudon** : When he was teaching us our routines  
**yuri katsudon** : He just  
**yuri katsudon** : Started skating???  
**yuri katsudon** : And my friend Yuko’s nose just gushed blood  
**yuri katsudon** : What is that about??  
**dance(a$$)** : trope  
**peach-eat** : what  
**dance(a$$)** : nothing

_3:47 A.M._

**hollywoodhong** : is no one gonna ask why Victor just happened to have two programs ready  
**hollywoodhong** : each on a different kind of love  
**popupbitch** : hes just like that  
**el leon** : like what  
**popupbitch** : an overdramatic little shit  
**el leon** : you act like you’re not his rinkmate slash friend  
**popupbitch** : he is a lot to deal with  
**popupbitch** : after the fifth time he comes into your apartment naked and makes himself coffee while you sleep, it starts to get old  
**hollywoodhong** : why naked?  
**popupbitch** : you think i fucking know  
**popupbitch** : id castrate him if it wouldnt ruin yuris day  
**hollywoodhong** : lol  
**el leon** : georgi you’re my hero

_5:21 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : It’s hard to train with Yurio, guys  
**yuri katsudon** : That little monster may not have visible abs but he does crunches like nothing I’ve ever seen  
**peach-eat** : better than me  
**yuri katsudon** : YES  
**peach-eat** : jesus christ  
**yuri katsudon** : I KNOW

_8:11 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Forget what I said about Yurio, training with Victor is actually worse  
**yuri katsudon** : We stood under a waterfall last night  
**peach-eat** : a waterfall  
**yuri katsudon** : In the freezing cold!  
**yuri katsudon** : I thought Yurio was going to actually die  
**popupbitch** : no loss there  
**yuri katsudon** : He’s not so bad  
**yuri katsudon** : I mean, if looks could kill I’d be six feet under and also on fire  
**yuri katsudon** : But he’s a sweet kid  
**yuri katsudon** : Sometimes  
**yuri katsudon** : To my mom  
**popupbitch** : he hates you  
**yuri katsudon** : I know  
**yuri katsudon** : But we actually hung out a lot yesterday!  
**hollywoodhong** : where was Victor?  
**yuri katsudon** : …Getting drunk  
**yuri katsudon** : And eating ramen  
**peach-eat** : he left u under a waterfall to go drinking???  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah  
**dance(a$$)** : why do you keep him around?  
**yuri katsudon** : Well he’s coming to train with us today!  
**dance(a$$)** : when  
**yuri katsudon** : …Ten minutes ago  
**el leon** : AHA  
**popupbitch** : so youre alone with yurio  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah  
**dance(a$$)** : oooh you know what you should do  
**dance(a$$)** : ask that baby cat for some pointers  
**yuri katsudon** : What?!  
**yuri katsudon** : Did you not read the part about him hating me?  
**peach-eat** : yeah but  
**peach-eat** : without victor there maybe he’ll chill  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah!  
**yuri katsudon** : I’ll ask him!  
**yuri katsudon** : Bye guys!  
**el leon** : now that he’s gone  
**el leon** : how are the rest of you doing?  
**el leon** : I feel like this chat is the fuckin katsudon and nikiforov show  
**hollywoodhong** : awwww Leo I didn’t know you cared!!  
**hollywoodhong** : I’m great!  
**dance(a$$)** : guang-hong ji I just wanna take you home and introduce you to my cat and feed you chocolates  
**dance(a$$)** : you are so adorable  
**hollywoodhong** : thank you!!!  
**el leon** : anyone else?  
**dance(a$$)** : i had pole dancing class today  
**dance(a$$)** : 10/10 would recommend  
**hollywoodhong** : you pole dance? :DD  
**dance(a$$)** : keeps this fine-ass body in shape!  
**dance(a$$)** : also  
**dance(a$$)** : guang-hong get your coach to send you to Switzerland so I can adopt you  
**el leon** : stop trying to steal him  
**peach-eat** : i’m so great guys  
**hollywoodhong** : why?  
**peach-eat** : i just found us a theme song  
**el leon** : oh my god  
**popupbitch** : well link it  
**dance(a$$)** : we don’t have all day!  
**peach-eat** : https://youtu.be/-tW0G9XWaj0  
**el leon** : stop it  
**dance(a$$)** : this is perfect

_**dance(a$$)** renamed the chat to **cool patrol**_

**peach-eat** : because we’re constantly babysitting yuri  
**dance(a$$)** : and trying to make him as cool as us B)  
**el leon** : hell yeah guys  
**popupbitch** : i hate that i actually liked this song  
**popupbitch** : youve all ruined me  
**hollywoodhong** : i love youuu georgi  
**popupbitch** : …i love you guys too  
**peach-eat** : AWWWWW GEORGI LOVES US  
**peach-eat** : QUICK SOMEONE SCREENSHOT BEFORE HE DELETES US  
**popupbitch** : no one can resist guang-hong  
**popupbitch** : what was i gonna do, ignore him  
**popupbitch** : shut up

_6:36 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : We got to PICK FROM VICTOR’S OLD OUTFITS!!!  
**el leon** : ew  
**el leon** : why  
**yuri katsudon** : BECAUSE HE BROUGHT THEM TO GIVE US DON’T BE DISRESPECTFUL  
**popupbitch** : fucker couldnt buy new outfits  
**popupbitch** : so he gives hand me downs  
**popupbitch** : amazing  
**yuri katsudon** : I GOT THE ONE FROM HIS JUNIOR WORLD’S  
**el leon** : wait  
**hollywoodhong** : junior worlds??  
**yuri katsudon** : YES IT’S GLORIOUS  
**peach-eat** : how does it FIT u?  
**peach-eat** : he was like 14 at the time  
**yuri katsudon** : IT’S ALL MESH AND GLITTER AND I LOVE IT  
**peach-eat** : that doesn’t answer my question!!  
**dance(a$$)** : oh I remember that one  
**dance(a$$)** : he had long hair then  
**dance(a$$)** : it was back when I met him  
**yuri katsudon** : Yes!  
**yuri katsudon** : Victor said the costume was supposed to represent masculine and feminine aspects of gender together  
**dance(a$$)** : hmm  
**dance(a$$)** : genderfluid skating  
**dance(a$$)** : interesting  
**yuri katsudon** : I guess, yeah!

_8:09 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Wait, what’s cool patrol?  
**popupbitch** : aw shit he’s onto us

_**popupbitch** renamed the chat to **yuri katsuki support group**_

**popupbitch** : some things stay in the groupchat  
**peach-eat** : snooze u lose yuri

_8:34 P.M._

**dance(a$$)** : yuri  
**dance(a$$)** : i have an idea  
**yuri katsudon** : Chris?  
**dance(a$$)** : shhh yes  
**yuri katsudon** : Why are you shushing me?  
**yuri katsudon** : We’re in the group chat  
**dance(a$$)** : shhh yuri please  
**dance(a$$)** : i know how you can beat yurio  
**yuri katsudon** : You do?  
**dance(a$$)** : yes  
**dance(a$$)** : i’m a master of sexy, in case you didn’t know  
**yuri katsudon** : Okay, what’s your idea?  
**dance(a$$)** : genderfluid skating  
**yuri katsudon** : You said that earlier  
**dance(a$$)** : yeah I know  
**dance(a$$)** : don’t go at this trying to be all masculine playboy  
**dance(a$$)** : like in that story you told us about the routine  
**dance(a$$)** : that’s not you  
**yuri katsudon** : …No, it isn’t  
**dance(a$$)** : so be the sexy piece of ass that seduces the playboy!!!  
**yuri katsudon** : Oh my God  
**yuri katsudon** : Chris that’s genius  
**dance(a$$)** :i know  
**dance(a$$)** : now go dance  
**dance(a$$)** : make me proud  
**yuri katsudon** : OKAY!!! :D

 _11:17 A.M._  
**el leon** : you know  
**el leon** : the original intent of adding georgi was for gossip  
**el leon** : but all he does is bitch about victor  
**el leon** : and I appreciate that  
**popupbitch** : i thought i was gonna have to drag you  
**popupbitch** : but thanks  
**el leon** : you’re welcome<3

_12:22 P.M._

**peach-eat** : wasn’t yuri and yurio’s skate off today  
**hollywoodhong** : yeah I think so  
**hollywoodhong** : that’s why yuri isn’t online  
**peach-eat** : does anyone know how it’s going  
**el leon** : nah  
**peach-eat** : are we gonna ask them  
**el leon** : nah  
**popupbitch** : just wait  
**popupbitch** : yuri will come to us

_3:46 P.M._

**popupbitch** : heads up kids

_**popupbitch** added **tigrrfashion**_

**tigrrfashion** : whatever katsudon says about me  
**tigrrfashion** : i skated better  
**tigrrfashion** : he just  
**tigrrfashion** : he loves victor a lot  
**tigrrfashion** : and he tried so hard for him  
**tigrrfashion** : his jumps were shit  
**tigrrfashion** : but his step sequence was great  
**tigrrfashion** : he danced so fuckin sexy that victor wolf-whistled at him  
**tigrrfashion** : he won that  
**el leon** : holy shit yurio  
**dance(a$$)** : that’s  
**dance(a$$)** : really sweet  
**tigrrfashion** : FUCK OFF  
**tigrrfashion** : I STILL HATE HIS FUCKING PIGGY GUTS  
**tigrrfashion** : AND I’M GONNA KILL HIM AT THE GRAND PRIX  
**tigrrfashion** : MAYBE IN SKATING  
**tigrrfashion** : MAYBE LITERALLY  
**tigrrfashion** : WAIT AND SEE  
**tigrrfashion** : georgi tell yakov i’m on the way home  
**tigrrfashion** : bitch

_**tigrrfashion** left the group_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It just warms my heart to imagine all of these skating trainwrecks secretly being best friends and chatting 24/7 and just generally being adorable. As the competitions begin, it's gonna get crazy up in here. Hope you're ready <33


	4. Ep 4: nothing is stupid anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBH writing usually starts to get more difficult after the first few chapters, but not for this. Here's another ridiculously fast update xD
> 
> This Chapter Stars:  
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)  
> Georgi Popovich: popupbitch

_3:29 P.M._

**el leon** : i’m taking bets  
**el leon** : how many times did yuri fall on his face today  
**el leon** : do i hear five  
**peach-eat** : gimme five  
**el leon** : do i hear ten  
**dance(a$$)** : I’ll wager ten  
**el leon** : do I hear fifteen  
**popupbitch** : im not bidding on anything less than twenty  
**el leon** : okay 20 for georgi  
**el leon** : any others

_4:12 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : You’re all wrong, it was 31 times  
**yuri katsudon** : Jerks.

_7:45 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Victor has an annoying habit of hauling me out of the onsen to stretch  
**popupbitch** : youre naked in the onsen  
**yuri katsudon** : Exactly  
**yuri katsudon** : People watch us  
**hollywoodhong** : ew that’s kind of creepy!  
**yuri katsudon** : It is  
**el leon** : how dare he  
**el leon** : in your own home  
**el leon** : what a disgrace  
**el leon** : want us to beat him up  
**dance(a$$)** : oooh yeah me and georgi can do it  
**dance(a$$)** : bc we’re your skating senpai  
**popupbitch** : please never volunteer me for anything  
**yuri katsudon** : No, guys, don’t beat him up  
**yuri katsudon** : He’d cry and I’d never hear the end of it  
**dance(a$$)** : i like that your complaint is not that we’d smash in his face  
**dance(a$$)** : but that it would amplify the annoying  
**yuri katsudon** : It’s hard to like him when he’s making my entire hometown see me naked in his arms  
**popupbitch** : that is a visual i could have gone a lifetime without  
**el leon** : thanks yuri

_7:53 A.M._

**peach-eat** : YURI U CALLED CIAO CIAO  
**peach-eat** : HE TOLD ME  
**peach-eat** : HE WAS SO HYPE  
**peach-eat** : WHY DO U NEVER CALL ME  
**el leon** : maybe you’ve been demoted since victor came around  
**peach-eat** : omg noooo  
**peach-eat** : yuri would never  
**peach-eat** : but what if he did?? :c  
**peach-eat** : well then i’ll replace him too  
**peach-eat** : i got plenty of friends  
**popupbitch** : who  
**peach-eat** : u all, dummy  
**hollywoodhong** : we’re your friends?  
**peach-eat** : guang-hong u’ve been my friend for years  
**hollywoodhong** : yeah but all of us?  
**peach-eat** : of course!!  
**el leon** : yeah you’re alright  
**dance(a$$)** : you’re some of my best friends  
**dance(a$$)** : you all and victor  
**popupbitch** : …  
**popupbitch** : same  
**popupbitch** : and the rest of my rinkmates  
**popupbitch** : but yeah  
**popupbitch** : you guys are cool I guess  
**peach-eat** : YAY  
**peach-eat** : BESTFRIENDS  
**popupbitch** : dont take it too far  
**peach-eat** : B E S T  
**peach-eat** : F R I E N D S  
**popupbitch** : …  
**popupbitch** : best friends  
**peach-eat** : <3333

_3:04 P.M._

**popupbitch** : wanna see something hilarious  
**el leon** : if it’s from you I’m a little nervous  
**popupbitch** : shut up  
**popupbitch** : here

_**popupbitch** sent a photo_

**dance(a$$)** : is that mila  
**popupbitch** : yeah  
**el leon** : who’s mila  
**dance(a$$)** : some lesbian  
**popupbitch** : one of my rinkmates  
**hollywoodhong** : and she’s holding up yurio  
**peach-eat** : she’s so strong holy shit  
**peach-eat** : bench press me <33  
**el leon** : he looks so angry  
**hollywoodhong** : aww  
**hollywoodhong** : thanks for sharing georgi!!  
**popupbitch** : anytime  
**popupbitch** : yurios suffering is my pleasure to share  
**popupbitch** : oh shit  
**peach-eat** : what  
**popupbitch** : lilia is here  
**el leon** : who is lilia?!  
**popupbitch** : yakovs ex wife  
**dance(a$$)** : yakov had a WIFE?  
**popupbitch** : at one point, yeah  
**popupbitch** : shes a super famous prima ballerina  
**popupbitch** : and a total frigid bitch but thats none of my business  
**popupbitch** : she  
**popupbitch** : she  
**popupbitch** : shes taking on yurio  
**popupbitch** : shes choreoing his free program  
**el leon** : oh shit  
**peach-eat** : guys were all gonna have to step it up  
**popupbitch** : fuck me  
**dance(a$$)** : hey at least georgi is finally bringing the hot gos  
**peach-eat** : yeah spill that tea!!  
**popupbitch** : shut up  
**popupbitch** : ill talk to you later, yakov looks like he wants to punch me  
**popupbitch** : thats kind of just his face but whatever  
**el leon** : later popupbitch  
**el leon** : ily

_5:54 P.M._

**peach-eat** : OH MY GOD OH MY GOD  
**peach-eat** : YURI IS FACETIMING ME  
**dance(a$$)** : well answer him  
**peach-eat** : OH YEAH OKAY  
**peach-eat** : :DDDD

_6:17 P.M._

**peach-eat** : what a butt  
**hollywoodhong** : what did he want???  
**peach-eat** : he wants me to help him find an old classmate who composed some music for him once  
**peach-eat** : back in Detroit  
**dance(a$$)** : is that bad  
**peach-eat** : no but he didn’t even want to come visit meeee  
**peach-eat** : he didn’t talk about victor or anything  
**peach-eat** : i’m being REPLACED

_4:49 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Hey guys  
**peach-eat** : YURI KATSUKI  
**peach-eat** : MY LOVE  
**peach-eat** : HELLO  
**hollywoodhong** : you seem down :c  
**yuri katsudon** : Nah, just confused  
**yuri katsudon** : Victor asked me about past girlfriends again today  
**yuri katsudon** : What is his deal?  
**peach-eat** : u have no ex girlfriends  
**peach-eat** : only me  
**el leon** : you two didn’t date  
**peach-eat** : yeah and i’m the closest thing he has  
**el leon** : ah  
**hollywoodhong** : what are you up to, yuri?  
**yuri katsudon** : …  
**yuri katsudon** : Hiding under the covers  
**dance(a$$)** : in bed?  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah  
**yuri katsudon** : I’ve kind of been avoiding Victor  
**dance(a$$)** : why  
**yuri katsudon** : I don’t know what to do  
**el leon** : about?  
**yuri katsudon** : Guys  
**yuri katsudon** : I don’t know if we’ve talked about this at all, but  
**yuri katsudon** : Victor’s kind of my hero  
**el leon** : yeah we know  
**popupbitch** : its impossible not to know  
**yuri katsudon** : He’s also…like…  
**peach-eat** : ur celebrity crush  
**yuri katsudon** : Well  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah  
**dance(a$$)** : wait  
**dance(a$$)** : you really like him  
**dance(a$$)** : that way?  
**dance(a$$)** : like  
**dance(a$$)** : like like?  
**el leon** : is this grade school, chris  
**dance(a$$)** : piss off, it’s a genuine question  
**yuri katsudon** : I’ve admired him since I was twelve years old  
**yuri katsudon** : It’s hard not to get attached  
**dance(a$$)** : i getcha  
**popupbitch** : hey yuri  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah?  
**popupbitch** : victor is a pain in the ass  
**popupbitch** : and cocky  
**popupbitch** : and pushy  
**popupbitch** : and loud  
**yuri katsudon** : I get it  
**popupbitch** : but hes a good guy with a big heart  
**popupbitch** : if you open up, he will listen  
**yuri katsudon** : Thank you, Georgi  
**popupbitch** : but if you tell him i said something nice about him ill slander your name all over the world  
**yuri katsudon** : Point taken

_8:21 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : You guys  
**yuri katsudon** : Oh my God  
**peach-eat** : yuri what happened  
**el leon** : oh my god  
**el leon** : are you crying  
**yuri katsudon** : Why would you ask me that?  
**dance(a$$)** : omg he totally is  
**yuri katsudon** : Only a little!  
**peach-eat** : aww bb what happened??  
**yuri katsudon** : I told Victor  
**yuri katsudon** : Everything  
**dance(a$$)** : details  
**yuri katsudon** : That I look up to him  
**yuri katsudon** : That I feel like a failure compared to him  
**yuri katsudon** : And that I just want him to be happy  
**el leon** : and?  
**yuri katsudon** : And…he met me where I was  
**yuri katsudon** : He let me talk and then  
**yuri katsudon** : That was it, we were fine.  
**yuri katsudon** : BUT THEN  
**yuri katsudon** : He said he was gonna push me to my limits  
**yuri katsudon** : As a way to SHOW HIS LOVE  
**dance(a$$)** : holy fuck  
**dance(a$$)** : he said that?  
**yuri katsudon** : VERBATIM  
**hollywoodhong** : aww  
**hollywoodhong** : awwwww you guys  
**hollywoodhong** : i might cry too  
**dance(a$$)** : come here  
**dance(a$$)** : group hug  
**peach-eat** : <33

_8:49 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Oh my God, I’m gonna die

_10:59 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Still alive, so far  
**yuri katsudon** : And  
**yuri katsudon** : The girl from college is gonna redo my music!!!  
**el leon** : good job phichit  
**peach-eat** : thx

_11:11 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I touched Victor’s hair earlier  
**dance(a$$)** : what  
**dance(a$$)** : why  
**yuri katsudon** : I DON’T KNOW  
**yuri katsudon** : IMPULSES  
**peach-eat** : context, please  
**yuri katsudon** : We were practicing jumps  
**yuri katsudon** : And he said I had good stamina  
**el leon** : ayyy  
**dance(a$$)** : AYYYY  
**yuri katsudon** : And then I just  
**yuri katsudon** : Touched his hair?  
**yuri kastduon** : And he got all upset  
**yuri katsudon** : He thought I was saying he was balding!!!  
**el leon** : is he  
**yuri katsudon** : NO  
**yuri katsudon** : HIS HAIR IS VERY THICK AND SHINY

_6:37 A.M._

**dance(a$$)** : so  
**dance(a$$)** : how are everyone’s programs coming along?  
**el leon** : great  
**popupbitch** : awful  
**dance(a$$)** : why does this always happen  
**dance(a$$)** : i ask a nice question, and this is what i get?  
**yuri katsudon** : Why are you all awake?  
**yuri katsudon** : What time it in Switzerland?  
**dance(a$$)** : unimportant  
**yuri katsudon** : Or Russia?  
**popupbitch** : what part  
**peach-eat** : yuri, what about u?  
**peach-eat** : any idea about ur programs yet?  
**peach-eat** : or ur theme?  
**yuri katsudon** : …  
**yuri katsudon** : I did have one idea, for a theme  
**yuri katsudon** : But it’s stupid  
**dance(a$$)** : nonsense!  
**dance(a$$)** : baby lion is using rap music this year  
**dance(a$$)** : nothing is stupid anymore  
**el leon** : i  
**el leon** : never call me that again  
**yuri katsudon** : Well  
**yuri katsudon** : I kind of want my theme to be  
**yuri katsudon** : Love  
**peach-eat** : love????  
**dance(a$$)** : LOVE??? :D  
**yuri katsudon** : See, you all think it’s stupid!!  
**dance(a$$)** : no, I think  
**dance(a$$)** : it would make Victor really happy  
**yuri katsudon** : …Really?  
**dance(a$$)** : yeah  
**yuri katsudon** : I might just do it, then

_9:12 A.M._

**popupbitch** : fuck  
**popupbitch** : FUCK  
**popupbitch** : I CANT  
**popupbitch** : FUCK  
**hollywoodhong** : georgi?  
**hollywoodhong** : are you okay?  
**popupbitch** : NO  
**el leon** : bro what’s wrong???  
**popupbitch** : i dont  
**popupbitch** : anya  
**popupbotch** : she  
**dance(a$$)** : oh no  
**dance(a$$)** : she didn’t  
**dance(a$$)** : fuck  
**peach-eat** : what’s happening  
**dance(a$$)** : anya is his girlfriend  
**popupbitch** : was  
**hollywoodhong** : Georgi I’m so sorry  
**el leon** : wait  
**el leon** : georgi’s straight?  
**dance(a$$)** : leo this isn’t the time  
**el leon** : sorry  
**el leon** : i’m sorry georgi  
**popupbitch** : im gonna leave the chat for a little while  
**peach-eat** : okay  
**peach-eat** : but if u wanna talk  
**peach-eat** : we’re here, ok?  
**popupbitch** : okay  
**popupbitch** : bye  
**peach-eat** : :(  
**hollywoodhong** : :c

_12:02 A.M._

**peach-eat** : EVERYONE  
**peach-eat** : EVENTS  
**peach-eat** : GO  
**el leon** : america and china  
**dance(a$$)** : china and france  
**hollywoodhong** : America and China  
**peach-eat** : america and china  
**peach-eat** : and georgi is china and france  
**hollywoodhong** : we’re all in China together!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : what about yuri?  
**el leon** : he’s doing china and russia  
**peach-eat** : then we really are all going to china!!  
**dance(a$$)** : one big difference though  
**hollywoodhong** : what??  
**dance(a$$)** : no victor  
**el leon** : shit you’re right  
**peach-eat** : he’s been competing as long as i can remember  
**peach-eat** : huh  
**dance(a$$)** : it’s gonna be weird without him…  
**hollywoodhong** : …at least we all have a better shot at gold?  
**peach-eat** : there’s some tough dudes out there tho  
**peach-eat** : some guy from canada  
**dance(a$$)** : otabek from last year  
**el leon** : whatever  
**el leon** : we’re better  
**el leon** : well me and chris are anyway  
**dance(a$$)** : that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me (*^▽^*)

_3:42 A.M._

**peach-eat** : u guys  
**peach-eat** : i think yuri and victor are dating  
**el leon** : me too  
**dance(a$$)** : yeah it’s obvious  
**peach-eat** : but like  
**peach-eat** : ????  
**peach-eat** : i dunno  
**peach-eat** : yuri’s kind of dumb about stuff like this  
**el leon** : do we  
**el leon** : do we tell him?  
**peach-eat** : what could we possibly say  
**peach-eat** : hey yuri, u know victor?  
**peach-eat** : ur idol?  
**peach-eat** : yeah he’s been ur coach for months and u guys kind of cuddle a lot and gaze into each other’s eyes and we think ur probably actually dating  
**peach-eat** : he would die  
**el leon** : he might read this  
**peach-eat** : shit

_10:30 A.M._

**popupbitch** : plisetsky is getting really good  
**peach-eat** : GEORGI  
**dance(a$$)** : YOU’RE ALIVE  
**popupbitch** : hey guys  
**peach-eat** : WE MISSED YOU  
**popupbitch** : i  
**popupbitch** : missed you guys, too  
**hollywoodhong** : :DDDD  
**popupbitch** : but yeah yurios really got something going  
**popupbitch** : hes gonna be tough to beat  
**popupbitch** : really  
**popupbitch** : hes a monster  
**popupbitch** : a very very small thin monster  
**popupbitch** : chris could probably snap him in half  
**popupbitch** : but yeah  
**el leon** : hey georgi  
**popupbitch** : yeah  
**el leon** : are you okay?  
**popupbitch** : not really  
**popupbitch** : but im gonna skate this season  
**popupbitch** : and it might help

_4:46 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I named my free program music  
**hollywoodhong** : that girl finished it???  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah  
**yuri katsudon** : It’s so beautiful  
**el leon** : well, what’s the name?  
**yuri katsudon** : …  
**yuri katsudon** : Yuri on Ice  
**dance(a$$)** : that’s  
**dance(a$$)** : so  
**dance(a$$)** : GAY (/^▽^)/  
**yuri katsudon** : Haha  
**yuri katsudon** : Speaking of gay  
**yuri katsudon** : I think I’m in love with Victor  
**peach-eat** : I KNEW IT  
**yuri katsudon** : Do you guys  
**yuri katsudon** : Think there’s any chance he likes me?  
**dance(a$$)** : oh honey  
**yuri katsudon** : I just can’t lose him  
**yuri katsudon** : I want him to stay as long as possible  
**yuri katsudon** : I want to cherish him while he’s with me  
**el leon** : i can’t believe i’m reading this with my own eyes  
**el leon** : yuri he’s head over heels for you  
**yuri katsudon** : This isn’t the time for jokes, Leo  
**el leon** : i’m telling the truth!  
**yuri katsudon** : When have you ever  
**el leon** : when it matters!  
**dance(a$$)** : i’m so proud of you yuri  
**dance(a$$)** : you found a man  
**dance(a$$)** : a good man  
**dance(a$$)** : with a nice ass  
**dance(a$$)** : don’t let him go  
**yuri katsudon** : …  
**yuri katsudon** : I hope I don’t have to.

_4:58 P.M._

_**popupbitch** left the group_

**peach-eat** : GEORGIIIII  
**peach-eat** : NOOOOO  
**dance(a$$)** : he’s really depressed, you guys  
**dance(a$$)** : give him time  
**el leon** : popovich you’re a grownass man  
**el leon** : come back  
**el leon** : we need you  
**el leon** : you’re our bro  
**peach-eat** : wow leo  
**peach-eat** : is he your hero or something  
**el leon** : MAYBE  
**hollywoodhong** : AWWWWW <33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, question time. Would you all be opposed to me adding some more ships in here? Like, some stuff that's not canon? So far I've been sticking to Victuuri because it's strictly canonical, but I kind of want to do more (Yurio/Otabek...maybe some others bc I ship pretty much everything). Tell me what you think and/or what pairings you'd want to see!! Love you all so much!!!


	5. Ep 5: do you have any lip balm?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took AGES to format because college. But here you all go!!! We're headed into the interesting stuff now, if I do say so myself. The chapters are getting exponentially longer, as predicted, and the antics are getting even better.
> 
> Starring:  
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)  
> Minami Kenjirou: mini-me

_8:42 A.M._

**peach-eat** : up and at em boys  
**peach-eat** : yuri’s first event is today!  
**el leon** : why the hell  
**peach-eat** : he bombed so hard last season that he has to do local competitions  
**el leon** : ouch  
**el leon** : what’s today  
**hollywoodhong** : Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu!  
**peach-eat** : yay yuri!!!!  
**peach-eat** : if u read this we love u!!

_9:44 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I’m going first  
**yuri katsudon** : Things are already off to a horrible start  
**peach-eat** : oh, it can’t be that bad!!  
**yuri katsudon** : The other skaters are like 17  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m an ancient relic  
**hollywoodhong** : hey!!!  
**yuri katsudon** : Sorry, Guang-Hong  
**yuri katsudon** : You know what I mean  
**dance(a$$)** : i’m older than you  
**dance(a$$)** : what does that make me?  
**yuri katsudon** : A legend???  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m competing in REGIONALS, Chris  
**el leon** : so  
**el leon** : i competed in regionals too  
**el leon** : guang-hong too  
**yuri katsudon** : Sorry…  
**el leon** : nah  
**peach-eat** : yuri, you’re too focused on all of this!!  
**el leon** : obsessed  
**yuri katsudon** : This is my last season and THE Victor Nikiforov is my coach  
**el leon** : yeah yeah we know  
**dance(a$$)** : when we all compete in china together  
**dance(a$$)** : we’re goin out  
**dance(a$$)** : all of us  
**hollywoodhong** : really???? :DDD  
**dance(a$$)** : yeah  
**el leon** : let’s do it  
**el leon** : kidnap georgi and everything  
**peach-eat** : gives u something to look forward to, yuri!  
**peach-eat** : victor’s not invited  
**yuri katsudon** : Why?  
**peach-eat** : bc fuck him  
**peach-eat** : he replaced me  
**el leon** : oh shit how is georgi btw  
**dance(a$$)** : not great  
**peach-eat** : how do u kno  
**dance(a$$)** : I asked victor, he asked mila  
**dance(a$$)** : mila said he’s designing a program with, like, the heaviest makeup she’s ever seen  
**el leon** : what about the routine  
**dance(a$$)** : no  
**hollywoodhong** : the song??  
**dance(a$$)** : no  
**el leon** : just makeup?  
**dance(a$$)** : just makeup  
**el leon** : well i, for one, am ready for this shit  
**dance(a$$)** : if anything we can take solace in the fact that we’re more stable mentally than georgi  
**el leon** : amen

_10:12 A.M._

**peach-eat** : someone’s trying to add  
**dance(a$$)** : to the chat?  
**peach-eat** : ye  
**el leon** : who the hell is mini-me  
**yuri katsudon** : Oh no  
**yuri katsudon** : Guys I’m so sorry  
**yuri katsudon** : There’s this kid here who knows me  
**yuri katsudon** : I think that’s him  
**el leon** : tiny  
**el leon** : blond  
**el leon** : red patch  
**yuri katsudon** : That’s him…  
**peach-eat** : I’M GONNA LET HIM IN :D

_**peach-eat** added **mini-me**_

**mini-me** : HELLO :DDDD  
**mini-me** : IS THIS A KATSUKI YURI FANCLUB  
**mini-me** : BC I AM DOWN  
**mini-me** : I’M MINAMI KENJIROU  
**peach-eat** : oh my god  
**mini-me** : WHAT’S YOUR NAME??? :DD  
**peach-eat** : …phichit  
**mini-me** : ………  
**mini-me** ::oooo  
**mini-me** : WHAT  
**dance(a$$)** : aww I like him, he’s cute  
**dance(a$$)** : hi, I’m christophe (≧∇≦*)  
**mini-me** : OH NO  
**mini-me** : I HAVE MADE A MISTAAAAAKE  
**peach-eat** : what  
**peach-eat** : who is this  
**dance(a$$)** : his name’s Minami  
**hollywoodhong** : hi!!!  
**hollywoodhong** : I’m Guang-Hong!  
**mini-me** : KILL MEEEE OMG  
**mini-me** : MISTAKES  
**el leon** : dude  
**el leon** : chill  
**el leon** : leo, btw  
**mini-me** : bbbbut  
**mini-me** : but  
**mini-me** : you’re all like  
**mini-me** : inTERNATIONALLY RANKED SKATERS  
**el leon** : what were you expecting  
**mini-me** : NOT THIS  
**el leon** : christ relax  
**mini-me** : YOU’RE LEO DE LA IGLESIA  
**el leon** : yes  
**mini-me** : I’M  
**mini-me** : OHHHH NO  
**hollywoodhong** : wait I know him!!  
**hollywoodhong** : he beat Yuri at Japan nationals last year  
**hollywoodhong** : he’s my age!  
**mini-me** : GUANG-HONG JI  
**hollywoodhong** : Yes!!!  
**mini-me** : OHHH

_**mini-me** left the group_

**dance(a$$)** : …yuri?  
**dance(a$$)** : where did your friend go?  
**hollywoodhong** : yeahhhh I liked him!!  
**el leon** : that was fuckin weird  
**peach-eat** : it was so cute! I think he’s heard of us  
**el leon** : really?  
**peach-eat** : no  
**el leon** : rude

_10:29 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I  
**yuri katsudon** : AM  
**yuri katsudon** : NERVOUS  
**el leon** : when are you not  
**yuri katsudon** : VICTOR IS NO HELP  
**peach-eat** : then shut up about him  
**peach-eat** : and talk to us  
**yuri katsudon** : Okay so Victor keeps dragging this ridiculous stuffed animal to the rink  
**peach-eat** : NO  
**peach-eat** : NO VICTOR TALK  
**peach-eat** : how are YOU?  
**yuri katsudon** : I want to fall over and let Minami kill me with his skates  
**yuri katsudon** : Run over my neck and kill me  
**el leon** : knife shoes  
**yuri katsudon** : What  
**el leon** : nothing  
**el leon** : continue  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m just  
**yuri katsudon** : So much pressure???  
**yuri katsudon** : How do I skate??  
**dance(a$$)** : the same way you’ve always skated  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m a failure though  
**el leon** : you know  
**el leon** : you say that a lot  
**el leon** : but i don’t think it’s true  
**peach-eat** : i miss u yuri  
**yuri katsudon** : I miss you too  
**dance(a$$)** : i miss youuuu  
**yuri katsudon** : Chris, have we ever hung out at all?  
**dance(a$$)** : …good point  
**dance(a$$)** : I still miss you  
**yuri katsudon** : Okay  
**peach-eat** : u r not a failure  
**peach-eat** : u’re anything but  
**yuri katsudon** : How?  
**peach-eat** : i lived with u for years  
**peach-eat** : YEARS  
**peach-eat** : what did our room look like  
**yuri katsudon** : Your half was a mess  
**yuri katsudon** : My half was okay  
**peach-eat** : yeah but what ELSE  
**peach-eat** : I don’t know  
**peach-eat** : u papered ur wall with posters of victor  
**peach-eat** : dozens of them  
**peach-eat** : we watched his routines like daily  
**el leon** : damn phichit you’re exposing him right here  
**peach-eat** : shut it  
**yuri katsudon** : What’s your point?  
**peach-eat** : u had a dream man  
**peach-eat** : u got him  
**peach-eat** : WITH UR SKATING  
**el leon** : does this count as victor talk  
**peach-eat** : DON’T USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME LEO

_5:15 P.M._

**peach-eat** : okay do we all have the link  
**peach-eat** : so we can watch yuri live?  
**el leon** : who’s even streaming  
**peach-eat** : his friend nishigori  
**peach-eat** : i asked him specifically to stream for us  
**dance(a$$)** : and he did it?  
**peach-eat** : yes  
**peach-eat** : i’m enchanting  
**peach-eat** : he couldn’t say no  
**peach-eat** : oh god  
**peach-eat** : OH GOD  
**peach-eat** : EVERYONE STAY CALM  
**peach-eat** : YURI IS ON THE ICE  
**peach-eat** : I REPEAT  
**peach-eat** : YURI IS ON THE ICE  
**el leon** : would you say he’s  
**peach-eat** : DON’T SAY IT  
**peach-eat** : DO NOT  
**peach-eat** : SAY IT

_5:19 P.M._

**peach-eat** : OKAY GUYS  
**peach-eat** : TIME FOR THIS CHAT TO LIVE UP TO ITS GODDAMN NAME  
**el leon** : are we still the yuri support group  
**dance(a$$)** : ye  
**el leon** : lol why all we do is make fun of him  
**peach-eat** : HEY  
**peach-eat** : TRUE  
**peach-eat** : but now we gotta be supportive  
**peach-eat** : like good bestfriends are  
**peach-eat** : AWWW THERE HE GOES  
**peach-eat** : YAAAAS YURI  
**peach-eat** : SLAY  
**dance(a$$)** : phichit it is the middle of the night for me  
**peach-eat** : GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME CHRIS  
**dance(a$$)** : …  
**dance(a$$)** : send me the link to the stream?

_5:21 P.M._

**peach-eat** : WHAT THE HELL IS THIS OPENING  
**peach-eat** : HE’S SO GLITTERY  
**dance(a$$)** : oh my god  
**dance(a$$)** : fuckin  
**dance(a$$)** : he stole my theme!  
**peach-eat** : what’s ur theme  
**el leon** : virgin on ice?  
**dance(a$$)** : oh don’t even  
**el leon** : srry  
**peach-eat** : BUT DAMN YURI  
**hollywoodhong** : DID THE CAMERA JUST PAN OVER TO VICTOR  
**peach-eat** : YES  
**hollywoodhong** : HE LOOKS SO HAPPY  
**dance(a$$)** : victor’s not even skating get the camera off him  
**el leon** : that’s victor’s junior worlds outfit?  
**dance(a$$)** : something like that  
**peach-eat** : how does it FIT HIM  
**hollywoodhong** : I DON’T KNOW  
**dance(a$$)** : WHY ARE WE IN ALL CAPS  
**hollywoodhong** : IT SEEMS FITTING  
**peach-eat** : STEP SEQUENCE IS LOOKIN GOOD  
**peach-eat** : GO YURI  
**hollywoodhong** : GANBA  
**dance(a$$)** : that boy looks like sex on ice  
**dance(a$$)** : I’m so proud of him  
**dance(a$$)** : finally showing his true colors o(≧∇≦o)  
**peach-eat** : chris what the fuck r u talking abt  
**dance(a$$)** : nothing, nothing  
**dance(a$$)** : his first jump  
**peach-eat** : TRIPLE AXEL  
**el leon** : mediocre  
**peach-eat** : leo plz  
**peach-eat** : the boy is trying  
**el leon** : it doesn’t matter if he still fucks up and loses to twelve year olds  
**peach-eat** : u r actually 12 shut upppp  
**peach-eat** : QUAD SALCHOW  
**peach-eat** : OH NO  
**el leon** : phichit stop this  
**peach-eat** : HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE  
**peach-eat** : PLATONIC LIFE PARTNER  
**peach-eat** : I WILL NEVER  
**dance(a$$)** : oooooh his combo turned into a double  
**hollywoodhong** : poor Yuri!!  
**el leon** : sloppy timing  
**el leon** : i hope you read this, yuri  
**el leon** : you need work  
**el leon** : your coach is doing a shit job  
**peach-eat** : leo shut up  
**peach-eat** : OH  
**peach-eat** : OH  
**peach-eat** : HOLY FUCK  
**peach-eat** : MY SON  
**peach-eat** : MY BABY  
**peach-eat** : HE DID IT  
**el leon** : and he’s only a little dead  
**peach-eat** : SHUT UP LEO MY BOY WAS GREAT

_5:29 P.M._

**dance(a$$)** : 94.36  
**peach-eat** : YUUUUUURIIIIIII  
**peach-eat** : ily

_6:01 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Victor hugged me before the competition  
 **peach-eat** : u think we didn’t see the pictures???  
 **el leon** : read back the chat, idiot  
 **yuri katsudon** : …Oh my God  
 **yuri katsudon** : That’s a  
 **yuri katsudon** : Very detailed play by play  
 **peach-eat** : NOT EVEN  
 **el leon** : i deleted some of it  
 **hollywoodhong** : yeah leo is a party pooper  
 **el leon** : the notifications were disrupting my practice  
 **peach-eat** : u weren’t at practice  
 **peach-eat** : u were watching the stream with us  
 **el leon** : …  
 **el leon** : shut up  
 **dance(a$$)** : awwww leo  
 **yuri katsudon** : I love you guys  
 **yuri katsudon** : I hope you know that  
 **peach-eat** : we do <333  
 **yuri katsudon** : But seriously  
 **el leon** : no chick flick moments  
 **peach-eat** : u love chick flicks  
 **el leon** : stop ruining my life  
 **yuri katsudon** : I love you Leo  
 **el leon** : i love you too yuri  


_6:14 P.M._

**peach-eat** : heads up!  
**peach-eat** : bby skater isn’t done with us  
**hollywoodhong** : he’s not a baby he’s literally my age!!!  
**peach-eat** : ur a bby  
**hollywoodhong** : phichit!!! you’re like three years older than me  
**peach-eat** : infant

_**peach-eat** added **mini-me**_

**mini-me** : KATSUKI-SAN DIDN’T WATCH MY SHORT PROGRAM  
**el leon** : hey kid  
**el leon** : between you and me  
**el leon** : yuri is a wreck  
**el leon** : in every way  
**mini-me** : NOOOOO  
**mini-me** : HE’S AMAZING  
**mini-me** : AND SO TALENTED  
**mini-me** : HE’S MY HERO  
**el leon** : what  
**el leon** : why  
**mini-me** :?????  
**mini-me** : he’s only the best skater in japan!!!!  
**el leon** : is he  
**mini-me** : YES  
**dance(a$$)** : he actually is  
**hollywoodhong** : what??  
**peach-eat** : yeah guys yuri is kind of a big deal  
**el leon** : that’s hilarious  
**dance(a$$)** : don’t we like  
**dance(a$$)** : all represent our countries though?  
**peach-eat** : well yeah  
**peach-eat** : but yuri thinks he’s awful  
**peach-eat** : and he’s not  
**mini-me** : ANYWAY  
**mini-me** : I DID A PERFECT REPLICA OF HIS LOHENGRIN PERFORMANCE  
**mini-me** : IT’S FAMOUS  
**el leon** : is it  
**mini-me** : YYYYYES  
**mini-me** : AND HE DIDN’T SEEEEE  
**peach-eat** : u kno  
**peach-eat** : it’s kind of comforting to know that all the bby skaters don’t look up to victor  
**el leon** : why  
**peach-eat** : well bc victor is an idiot  
**dance(a$$)** : so true  
**dance(a$$)** : minami you’re amazing  
**mini-me** : :ooooo  
**dance(a$$)** : I cannot

_**dance(a$$)** renamed the group to **< 3 minami fanclub <3**_

**mini-me** : OH  
**mini-me** : OH MY  
**el leon** : why do we keep adopting strays  
**peach-eat** : what u mean  
**el leon** : well  
**el leon** : we kept yuri  
**peach-eat** : ROASTED  
**el leon** : and now this kid  
**peach-eat** : EXTRA ROASTED  
**peach-eat** : DOUBLE ROASTED PEANUTS  
**dance(a$$)** : minami you can stay  
**dance(a$$)** : call me when you reach international competitions  
**dance(a$$)** : we’ll get drinks  
**peach-eat** : he’s a child  
**dance(a$$)** : ice cream, then  
**mini-me** : I LOVE YOU GUYS  
**el leon** : why are we so emotional  
**dance(a$$)** : …  
**dance(a$$)** : ice skating  
**el leon** : fuck

_6:21 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I FORGOT ALL ABOUT MINAMI  
**yuri katsudon** : HE BEAT ME AT NATIONALS  
**mini-me** : :OOOOOO  
**mini-me** : HI KATSUKI-SAN  
**yuri katsudon** : Oh  
**yuri katsudon** : Hi  
**yuri katsudon** : Um  
**peach-eat** : lol busted

_7:38 P.M._

**mini-me** : KATSUKI-SAN TOLD ME GOOD LUCK  
**mini-me** : I SKATED SO GREAT  
**mini-me** : KATSUKI-SAN  
**mini-me** : YURI  
**mini-me** : OKAY  
**mini-me** : <3333

_7:55 P.M._

**peach-eat** : FREE SKATE  
**peach-eat** : FREE SKATE  
**peach-eat** : FREE SKATE  
**peach-eat** : YURI IS GOING LAST  
**peach-eat** : HE’S GONNA DO SO GOOD  
**dance(a$$)** : hey yuri  
**dance(a$$)** : you wanna freak out your little fanboy?  
**dance(a$$)** : do you have any lip balm?  
**dance(a$$)** : excellent

_8:03 P.M._

**mini-me** : ARE YURI AND VICTOR IN LOVE  
**peach-eat** : probably  
**peach-eat** : why  
**mini-me** : AHHHHHHHH

_8:09 P.M._

**el leon** : chris why  
**dance(a$$)** : are you not entertained?  
**peach-eat** : we r supposed to be supporting yuri  
**dance(a$$)** : no  
**dance(a$$)** : the group name changed  
**el leon** : oh for fuck’s sake  
**el leon** : we are not minami’s fan club  
**dance(a$$)** : speak for yourself  
**mini-me** : YEAH  
**mini-me** : CHRISTOPHE LOVES ME  
**dance(a$$)** : hell yeah  
**dance(a$$)** : he’s my new son  
**mini-me** : SKATING DAD  
**dance(a$$)** : see?  
**el leon** : this feels slightly wrong  
**dance(a$$)** : don’t be jealous leo  
**dance(a$$)** : you can be my nephew or something  
**el leon** : i don’t want to be in your weird skating family  
**dance(a$$)** : yes you do  
**hollywoodhong** : I do!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : guang-hong you’re my number one son  
**hollywoodhong** : yay!!!  
**mini-me** : SIBLINGS  
**hollywoodhong** : MINAMI!!

_**hollywoodhong** renamed the group to **chris giacometti aka dad**_

**dance(a$$)** : better  
**peach-eat** : what hte fuc k  
**dance(a$$)** : shhh phichit it’s okay  
**peach-eat** : can i be group mom  
**dance(a$$)** : you’re already group mom  
**mini-me** : MOM  
**peach-eat** : SON  
**dance(a$$)** : wait leo you can’t be in the family  
**el leon** : well fuck you too  
**dance(a$$)** : no no I mean  
**dance(a$$)** : you can’t date guang-hong if you’re in the family ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**el leon** : CHRIS  
**el leon** : LEAV EME ALONE  
**hollywoodhong** : he’s teasing, Leo!!  
**el leon** : YOU’RE SO EMBARRASSING  
**el leon** : FUCK YOU ALL  
**dance(a$$)** : so  
**dance(a$$)** : like a dad ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**el leon** : you know what  
**el leon** : bye  
**hollywoodhong** : wait!!!  
**el leon** : …  
**el leon** : what  
**hollywoodhong** : when you come to China, let’s have lunch <333  
**peach-eat** : guang-hong plz  
**peach-eat** : u’ll break him  
**el leon** : …  
**el leon** : …  
**el leon** : okay  
**el leon** : the usual?  
**dance(a$$)** : THEY HAVE A USUAL  
**dance(a$$)** : BE STILL MY HEART  
**el leon** : stop it  
**el leon** : you’re not my real dad  
**dance(a$$)** : no but I support your homosexual tendencies and I can buy you alcohol in america so who’s the real winner  
**el leon** : shit you right  
**dance(a$$)** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

_8:18 P.M._

**peach-eat** : GUESS WHAT FAM  
**peach-eat** : IT’S YURI’S TURN  
**peach-eat** : everyone got the stream?  
**mini-me** : I’M HERE IN PERSON!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : we know minami  
**dance(a$$)** : keep us updated real time  
**mini-me** : OKAY DAD  
**dance(a$$)** : you can cool it with the dad joke  
**mini-me** : NO IT’S FUNNY  
**dance(a$$)** : well alright  
**el leon** : wow  
**el leon** : i actually don’t hate yuri’s free program outfit  
**dance(a$$)** : could use more mesh  
**el leon** : less glitter  
**dance(a$$)** : more glitter  
**el leon** : we are not having this conversation again  
**hollywoodhong** : this song is so good c:  
**hollywoodhong** : Phichit he owes you big time!!  
**peach-eat** : I KNOW  
**peach-eat** : i’m gonna make him buy me hot pot  
**dance(a$$)** : you mean make victor buy you both hot pot  
**peach-eat** : yes  
**peach-eat** : exactly  
**hollywoodhong** : WOW that was a good quad!!  
**peach-eat** : MY BABBY  
**el leon** : another quad what the hell  
**peach-eat** : QUAD SALCHOW  
**peach-eat** : WHERE DID HE LAERN THAT  
**peach-eat** : HOLY SHIT  
**el leon** : yurio taught him  
**peach-eat** : ????  
**peach-eat** : leo y u keep things from me  
**el leon** : chris isn’t the only one who can private message okay  
**dance(a$$)** : omg leo has friends besides us  
**dance(a$$)** : I’m cryin

_8:20 P.M._

**mini-me** : victor nikiforov has this stuffed animal  
**mini-me** : it’s a puppy I think!!!  
**mini-me** : he’s hiding his face in it  
**mini-me** : like he’s scared :c  
**dance(a$$)** : oh my god  
**dance(a$$)** : is  
**dance(a$$)** : is it maccachin?  
**el leon** : what the fuck does that mean  
**dance(a$$)** : victor has this dog  
**dance(a$$)** : I think it’s a stuffed animal of his real life dog  
**peach-eat** : what a NERD  
**mini-me** : I can hear victor talking to himself  
**mini-me** : he told Yuri to skate like he’s the most beautiful person on the ice  
**peach-eat** :???  
**peach-eat** : bitch he’s the ONLY person on the ice!!!  
**mini-me** : I thought it was weird too…

_8:21 P.M._

**el leon** : AAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA  
**el leon** : YURI  
**el leon** : NO  
**el leon** : FUCK  
**peach-eat** : hwat  
**peach-eat** : he just  
**peach-eat** : smASHED HIS FACE ON THE SIDE OF THE RINK  
**mini-me** : YURI’S BLEEDING :OOOO  
**hollywoodhong** : pretty final pose  
**peach-eat** : who’s he pointing at  
**peach-eat** : WHO’S HE  
**peach-eat** : oh  
**peach-eat** : OH  
**peach-eat** : OH NO  
**peach-eat** : YURI UR GAY  
**peach-eat** : U CAN’T BE GAY ON LIVE TV  
**el leon** : have you met chris?  
**dance(a$$)** : hey  
**dance(a$$)** : you’re right  
**mini-me** : YOU GUYS I’M CRYINNG  
**hollywoodhong** : Minami don’t cry!!  
**el leon** : oh jeez victor looks mad  
**hollywoodhong** : OH NOOOOOO  
**hollywoodhong** : RUN TO HIM YURI  
**dance(a$$)** : oh  
**el leon** : lmao victor  
**el leon** : same  
**peach-eat** : HOOOOOLY SHIT 259??

_8:33 P.M._

**mini-me** : guys I got Yuri’s autograph  
**el leon** : why  
**mini-me** :???  
**mini-me** : we went over this!!!  
**mini-me** : I love him!!!!!  
**mini-me** : but sad news  
**mini-me** : I’m gonna leave the group for now!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : no son why  
**mini-me** : school!!  
**el leon** : oh yeah that’s a thing isn’t it  
**mini-me** : but add me back during the grand prix final!!  
**mini-me** : I bet you all make it!!!!!

**mini-me** left the group

**dance(a$$)** : bye son  
**el leon** : ily

_1:27 P.M._

**peach-eat** : yuri’s being gay on TV again  
**el leon** : what else is new  
**peach-eat** : he said he’s gonna win the grand prix final  
**el leon** : lol as if  
**el leon** : we’re gonna kick his ass  
**dance(a$$)** : gently  
**dance(a$$)** : with love!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : but also  
**dance(a$$)** : he’s gonna lose

_6:16 P.M._

**peach-eat** : SOMEONE TEACH CIAO CIAO HOW TO USE A CAMERA  
**peach-eat** : I CAN’T HANDLE THIS  
**el leon** : wait guys  
**el leon** : you know what this means  
**el leon** : in just a couple weeks  
**el leon** : the gp series begins  
**el leon** : and then  
**dance(a$$)** : PARTY IN CHINA  
**peach-eat** : PARTYYYYY  
**hollywoodhong** : I CAN’T WAIT!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, as you may have guessed, is gonna be a Mess™. Until then, leave me all those nice comments!!! I love you!!!


	6. Ep 6: happily bisexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, featuring the Cup of China, was very, very exciting to write because I very recently visited China for the first time and it was LOVELY. Not an excuse for my long absence, though. I will say, however, that I am making it up to you with this chapter AND a chapter of BONUS CONTENT!!! That's correct, a whole separate one-shot about the boys kicking back in Beijing. Yeah. It's gonna be LIT.
> 
> Our Fabulous Cast:  
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)

_7:24 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Hey, so,  
**yuri katsudon** : I know you guys don’t want Victor talk on here  
**yuri katsudon** : But like  
**yuri katsudon** : He has no idea how to fly coach.  
**dance(a$$)** : what do you mean?  
**yuri katsudon** : He expected champagne?  
**peach-eat** : in coach?  
**peach-eat** : on an airplane?  
**yuri katsudon** : Yes  
**dance(a$$)** : god help us  
**hollywoodhong** : Does Victor fly first class? :o  
**yuri katsudon** : Always, apparently  
**el leon** : that jackass  
**dance(a$$)** : wait if you’re texting the chat  
**dance(a$$)** : THEN YOU’RE HERE :DDD  
**peach-eat** : oh my god ur right  
**peach-eat** : yuri katsuki where r u  
**peach-eat** : i miss ur beautiful face  
**yuri katsudon** : I have to do a couple interviews at the arena tonight  
**peach-eat** : dammit i did mine this morning  
**peach-eat** : don’t u worry yuri  
**peach-eat** : i will find u  
**yuri katsudon** : If you break any international laws I’m not helping you in court.  
**peach-eat** : don’t worry i have guang-hong  
**hollywoodhong** : I can’t shield you from the law!!!!  
**peach-eat** : shhh bby u have to try

_7:39 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Oh, also,  
**yuri katsudon** : Georgi totally cold-shouldered me and Victor earlier  
**yuri katsudon** : Do you think he’ll actually go out with us?  
**dance(a$$)** : we will make him  
**el leon** : he ignored victor?  
**el leon** : is that possible??  
**yuri katsudon** : He was with Yakov, Victor was trying to invite them to dinner  
**el leon** : why is he like this  
**yuri katsudon** : Victor?  
**el leon** : ye  
**yuri katsudon** : Who knows. He interrupted my interview to tell me that it was boring.  
**peach-eat** : interviews are boring  
**yuri katsudon** : You’re right  
**yuri katsudon** : But still  
**yuri katsudon** : I was trying to get out of the hole I dug myself into by telling everyone my theme is love  
**peach-eat** : lol ur theme is love  
**yuri katsudon** : People think it’s so funny? Was it a surprise to you all?  
**dance(a$$)** : honey it’s a surprise to no one  
**dance(a$$)** : your little gay heart could not be more transparent 

_7:47 P.M._

**el leon** : guang-hong, answer your phone 

_7:53 P.M._

**peach-eat** : GUESS WHO TRACKED THE GPS ON VICTOR’S INSTA AND FOUND HIM AND YURI  
**el leon** : is it you?  
**peach-eat** : U R CORRECT  
**peach-eat** : i’m outside the restaurant where they’re at as we speak  
**dance(a$$)** : I can’t believe you stalked them  
**el leon** : i can  
**peach-eat** : lol imma invite ciao ciao  
**dance(a$$)** : didn’t yuri like  
**dance(a$$)** : fire him as a coach  
**peach-eat** : exactly  
**dance(a$$)** : phichit you absolute madman  
**peach-eat** : guang-hong, leo, the hell u guys doing?  
**hollywoodhong** : I’m getting a snack!!  
**el leon** : hold up, where  
**hollywoodhong** : Snack carts, in the park!  
**el leon** : i’m literally across the street hold up  
**hollywoodhong** : :DDDD  
**dance(a$$)** : goddamnit you guys  
**dance(a$$)** : I’m stuck in the hotel tonight  
**dance(a$$)** : coach’s orders  
**el leon** : too bad chris  
**hollywoodhong** : We can show you around later!!!  
**el leon** : phichit stop calling me  
**peach-eat** : i’d stop calling if u picked up  
**el leon** : fine

_8:10 P.M._

**peach-eat** : yuri get ur boyfriend to stop force-feeding me  
**peach-eat** : i don’t want the mf shrimp  
**yuri katsudon** : You’re right next to me!!  
**peach-eat** : yeah so make him stop  
**yuri katsudon** : Why are we on the group chat? Just ask me  
**peach-eat** : bc victor is a sensitive soul  
**peach-eat** : i don’t wanna offend

_8:12 P.M._

**el leon** : okay phichit we’re coming  
**peach-eat** : hell yeah  
**el leon** : to see victor though  
**el leon** : see him drooling all over katsudon  
**hollywoodhong** : Speaking of seeing people  
**hollywoodhong** : We saw Georgi  
**hollywoodhong** : He didn’t talk to us :c  
**dance(a$$)** : wait, he’s out and about?  
**el leon** : yeah  
**el leon** : being a bitch like usual  
**dance(a$$)** : I miss old popupbitch  
**el leon** : me too  
**el leon** : is he even okay?  
**dance(a$$)** : I genuinely hope so  
**peach-eat** : hey  
**peach-eat** : hurry ur asses up  
**peach-eat** : ur missing victor

_8:14 P.M._

**peach-eat** : oh  
**peach-eat** : uh  
**peach-eat** : u guys might wanna reconsider actually  
**el leon** : why???  
**peach-eat** : ciao ciao and victor got into a little contest  
**el leon** : a contest  
**peach-eat** : Which Coach Can Drink More For Yuri?!  
**peach-eat** : that’s what victor called it  
**el leon** : who won  
**peach-eat** : ciao ciao  
**el leon** : oh no  
**dance(a$$)** : oh yes  
**dance(a$$)** : take pictures for me please  
**hollywoodhong** : I’ll do my best!

_8:40 P.M._

**el leon** : i am APPALLED  
**el leon** : i am INSULTED  
**el leon** : i am SHOOK  
**dance(a$$)** : #shook  
**el leon** : yes  
**dance(a$$)** : why  
**el leon** : celestino is drunk  
**el leon** : victor is VERY DRUNK  
**el leon** : and phichit is just taking selfies with them  
**dance(a$$)** : that sounds normal  
**hollywoodhong** : Yuri might start crying soon  
**hollywoodhong** : Oh dear  
**hollywoodhong** ::ooooo  
**dance(a$$)** : what now?  
**hollywoodhong** : I think Victor’s underwear just landed on my head :o  
**dance(a$$)** : sadly, that  
**dance(a$$)** : also sounds normal (☆▽☆)  
**el leon** : yeah but i don’t think yuri can handle victor like this tbh  
**dance(a$$)** : …  
**dance(a$$)** : how old are you guys again?  
**hollywoodhong** : I’m 17  
**dance(a$$)** : okay give me ten minutes  
**hollywoodhong** : ummmm  
**hollywoodhong** : Victor is naked  
**dance(a$$)** : …  
**dance(a$$)** : give me seven minutes

_9:12 P.M. ___

__**el leon** : um  
**el leon** : thanks for picking us up, chris  
**peach-eat** : u the real mvp  
**dance(a$$)** : I couldn’t let Victor Nikiforov’s beautiful desperate ass keep you guys stranded  
**dance(a$$)** : and I mean that literally, bc no taxi driver in the world would have taken you  
**dance(a$$)** : he was so naked  
**yuri katsudon** : Thank you, Chris.  
**dance(a$$)** : don’t mention it  
**yuri katsudon** : Also, Phichit  
**peach-eat** : yes  
**yuri katsudon** : If I get in trouble for the pictures you posted, I’m going to kill you in your sleep  
**peach-eat** : don’t worry  
**peach-eat** : i do that shit all the time  
**peach-eat** : and u could never kill me  
**peach-eat** : we’re soulmates_ _

___9:59 P.M._ _ _

__**dance(a$$)** : hey I have an important question  
**dance(a$$)** : a really important question  
**dance(a$$)** : for Phichit and Yuri  
**peach-eat** : yeah chris?  
**dance(a$$)** : you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to  
**dance(a$$)** : but like  
**dance(a$$)** : did you guys fuck in Detroit?  
**peach-eat** : wtf chris  
**peach-eat** : putting us on the spot like that  
**yuri katsudon** : CHRIS  
**yuri katsudon** : PLEASE  
**el leon** : to be honest that’s a great question  
**peach-eat** : leo stop  
**el leon** : you were roomies for, what, five years?  
**dance(a$$)** : i couldn’t live with someone cute for that long and not bone them  
**peach-eat** : u think i’m cute?  
**dance(a$$)** : phichit you keep hamsters  
**dance(a$$)** : you’re like five foot four  
**dance(a$$)** : i would introduce you to my cat and then my mother, in that order  
**peach-eat** : thx <3  
**yuri katsudon** : Well, Chris, you competed with Victor for literally a decade  
**yuri katsudon** : How do we know you never slept with him?!  
**dance(a$$)** : that is a good question, Yuri Katsuki ;)  
**yuri katsudon** : I feel like I have to wash my brain after seeing this  
**peach-eat** : r u implying that u banged victor  
**dance(a$$)** : let’s be honest  
**dance(a$$)** : who HASN’T banged Victor?  
**el leon** : yuri  
**peach-eat** : OOOOOHHHHHH SHIT  
**peach-eat** : SHOTS FIRED  
**yuri katsudon** : …  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m going to bed_ _

___8:32 A.M._ _ _

__**dance(a$$)** : hey  
**dance(a$$)** : hey guys  
**peach-eat** : hi chris  
**dance(a$$)** : make a bet with me  
**hollywoodhong** : I love bets!  
**dance(a$$)** : Guang-hong you gambling little baby  
**hollywoodhong** : :3c  
**dance(a$$)** : okay so  
**dance(a$$)** : 5 franc if I go up to Yuri and grab his ass  
**peach-eat** : don’t discuss your plans on here he can see them  
**dance(a$$)** : Victor’s dragging him around, he’s completely distracted  
**el leon** : okay deal  
**el leon** : i’ll give you another five bucks if Victor gets pissed  
**dance(a$$)** : ohhh you’re on  
**dance(a$$)** : I’ll have to turn up the suave _ _

___8:48 A.M._ _ _

__**el leon** : 5 franc and 5 dollars to chris  
**dance(a$$)** : fuck yeah  
**dance(a$$)** : it was SO AWKWARD when my coach stepped in though  
**dance(a$$)** : there was no way to explain to him that I was fucking with them  
**dance(a$$)** : I hope it didn’t hurt Yuri’s feeling though…  
**peach-eat** : we can make sure it didn’t  
**hollywoodhong** : What’s the schedule today, again??  
**dance(a$$)** : phichit’s up first  
**dance(a$$)** : and then  
**hollywoodhong** : MEEEE  
**dance(a$$)** : yeah then the rest of us  
**el leon** : yikes_ _

___9:41 A.M._ _ _

__**yuri katsudon** : GO PHICHIT!!!  
**el leon** : jesus yuri that’s the most positive emotion you’ve ever shown on this chat  
**dance(a$$)** : doesn’t Phichit look really good with his hair slicked back like that  
**dance(a$$)** : like  
**dance(a$$)** : really good  
**el leon** : for once I agree with you, chris  
**dance(a$$)** : wow interesting music choice  
**yuri katsudon** : He’s wanted to skate to this for years  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m impressed Ciao Ciao let him  
**dance(a$$)** : well look at him go!  
**dance(a$$)** : baby’s been practicing hard!  
**yuri katsudon** : OH NO he fell  
**hollywoodhong** : PHICHIT YOU CAN DO IT  
**dance(a$$)** : THAT SPIN THO  
**el leon** : DAMN THE AUDIENCE IS LOUD  
**yuri katsudon** : AHHHHHH  
**yuri katsudon** : AHH THAT FINAL POSE  
**hollywoodhong** : PHICHIT!!!!_ _

___9:44 A.M._ _ _

__**yuri katsudon** : 86.75  
**hollywoodhong** : oh shit I’m up next!  
**dance(a$$)** : GUANG-HONG CURSED_ _

___9:49 A.M._ _ _

__**dance(a$$)** : MY SOFT BOY  
**dance(a$$)** : LISTEN TO THAT THEME  
**el leon** : oh my god he’s so cute  
**el leon** : I love him  
**peach-eat** : LEOOOOO  
**peach-eat** : OH MY GOD  
**dance(a$$)** : get in line I’m adopting him  
**el leon** : shut up he’s my best friend  
**dance(a$$)** : dibs  
**el leon** : double dibs  
**dance(a$$)** : triple dibs  
**el leon** : infinity dibs  
_[cut for length]__ _

___9:55 A.M._ _ _

__**peach-eat** : 79.87 for bby  
**el leon** : not bad at all  
**peach-eat** : but now  
**peach-eat** : NOW, PEOPLE  
**peach-eat** : IT IS YURI’S TURN_ _

___9:59 A.M._ _ _

__**peach-eat** : WHAT THE FUCK R THEY DOIN  
**el leon** : holding hands, I think  
**dance(a$$)** : can anyone actually see them???  
**peach-eat** : they’re not  
**peach-eat** : kissing, r they?  
**hollywoodhong** : I don’t think so  
**el leon** : not even victor is stupid enough to kiss yuri on the ice on live TV  
**dance(a$$)** : but hotdamn yuri  
**dance(a$$)** : look into my eyes like that sometime  
**dance(a$$)** : jesus  
**peach-eat** : guyssss  
**peach-eat** : they’re in love_ _

___10:03 A.M._ _ _

__**el leon** : NOBODY EVEN COMMENTED ON THAT  
**peach-eat** : HOLY FUCK YURI  
**peach-eat** : WE WERE TOO BUSY WATCHING YOU TO EVEN DO A PLAY BY PLAY  
**el leon** : THE FUCK  
**peach-eat** : THE FUUUUUUUCK  
**hollywoodhong** : OH MY GOD  
**dance(a$$)** : 106.84  
**dance(a$$)** : how  
**dance(a$$)** : HOWWWWW  
**peach-eat** : YUUUUUUUUURI_ _

___10:09 A.M._ _ _

__**peach-eat** : oh my god u know who’s up next???  
**dance(a$$)** : WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT  
**el leon** : HOLY SHIT MILA WAS NOT LYING ABOUT THAT MAKEUP  
**el leon** : AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_ _

___10:10 A.M._ _ _

__**el leon** : did you guys ever watch Anastasia as a kid  
**dance(a$$)** : that animated movie?  
**el leon** : yeah  
**el leon** : no shade but  
**el leon** : georgi is rasputin  
**hollywoodhong** : OH MY GOD  
**hollywoodhong** : I WAS ONCE THE MOST MYSTICAL MAN IN ALL RUSSIAAAAAA  
**peach-eat** : LITTLE ANYA BEWARE, RASPUTIN’S AWAAAAAAKE  
**dance(a$$)** : he’s not doing too bad though  
**yuri katsudon** : I think he’s crying  
**el leon** : what else is new  
**peach-eat** : holy fuck  
**peach-eat** : 98.17  
**el leon** : not too shabby, Rasputin_ _

___10:13 A.M._ _ _

__**dance(a$$)** : he looks like a banana  
**peach-eat** : CHRIS SHUT UP  
**hollywoodhong** : GOOOOO LEO!!!  
**yuri katsudon** : He choreographed this??  
**yuri katsudon** : It’s really good!  
**hollywoodhong** : leo is talented!!!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : you guys weren’t lying about the r&b music  
**peach-eat** : no quads  
**peach-eat** : WOW  
**yuri katsudon** : Hey like  
**yuri katsudon** : Why are we chatting if we’re standing right next to each other  
**yuri katsudon** : And also talking out loud?  
**peach-eat** : shhh  
**peach-eat** : it’s for posterity  
**dance(a$$)** : 87.98  
**dance(a$$)** : he beat you by ONE POINT, phichit  
**dance(a$$)** : how does it feel  
**peach-eat** : shut upppp_ _

___10:17 A.M._ _ _

__**el leon** : “he took silver at last year’s Grand Prix Final”  
**el leon** : way to brag  
**el leon** : chris don’t fuck it up  
**yuri katsudon** : Chris, stop winking at Minako, you’re gay!  
**el leon** : yuri you’re gay  
**yuri katsudon** : I am  
**yuri katsudon** : Happily bisexual.  
**peach-eat** : AWWWWWWWWWWWWW  
**peach-eat** : AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW  
**el leon** : why does this sound like a 70s porn  
**peach-eat** : AND LOOK LIKE ONE SOS  
**el leon** : how does he dO THAT WITH HIS ASS  
**yuri katsudon** : “beautiful position and speed”  
**yuri katsudon** : THE ANNOUNCERS ARE NOT HELPING  
**yuri katsudon** : I think he’s literally having sex  
**hollywoodhong** : oh my god ;c  
**el leon** : lol yuri  
**el leon** : victor is cuddling you  
**yuri katsudon** : Shut it  
**el leon** : did he  
**el leon** : did he just  
**yuri katsudon** : Don’t say it  
**yuri katsudon** : But from the way Victor is trying not to laugh, I think yes_ _

___10:20 A.M._ _ _

__**peach-eat** : 85.60  
**peach-eat** : we’re all really close  
**el leon** : except yuri  
**el leon** : fuck you yuri_ _

___1:42 P.M._ _ _

__**peach-eat** : chris cumming on the ice is really motivational  
**el leon** : god bless  
**peach-eat** : well if he loves his job so much that he nuts every time  
**peach-eat** : then why can’t i find a job that i like so much that i nut  
**peach-eat** : but i gotta work for the nut  
**el leon** : what  
**yuri katsudon** : Jesus Christ  
**peach-eat** : i’m not really sorry i made u read that  
**el leon** : phichit that’s fucked up  
**dance(a$$)** : I’m glad I could inspire you all o(≧∇≦o)  
**el leon** : stop this  
**dance(a$$)** : who’s ready for their free skate????  
**yuri katsudon** : I am.  
**peach-eat** : oooooooohhhhhh yuriiiii  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m gonna win.  
**peach-eat** : challenge accepted_ _

___6:12 P.M._ _ _

__**dance(a$$)** : okay  
**dance(a$$)** : since last night was such a bust for you all  
**dance(a$$)** : we gotta go out and turn up  
**dance(a$$)** : just us  
**dance(a$$)** : the Cool Patrol  
**dance(a$$)** : the Yuri Katsuki Support Group  
**peach-eat** : i’m in  
**el leon** : me too  
**hollywoodhong** : Me too!!  
**peach-eat** : where do we wanna meet  
**dance(a$$)** : well I just left a meeting with my coaches so  
**el leon** : what about yuri  
**yuri katsudon** : Well…  
**yuri katsudon** : I don’t know that I can ditch Victor for longer than, like, an hour.  
**peach-eat** : don’t be a wet blanket  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m not being a wet blanket!  
**peach-eat** : leo tell him he’s a wet blanket  
**el leon** : leave me out of this  
**el leon** : oh  
**el leon** : oh my god_ _

___**el leon** sent a photo _ _ _

__**el leon** : SPOTTED  
**peach-eat** : is that georgi???  
**peach-eat** : where r u guys?????  
**el leon** : main quad  
**peach-eat** : I’M COMING_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned above, the end of the chapter leads into my BONUS CONTENT ONE-SHOT WHAAAAAT. It's listed in the collection with this fic, but if you're lazy af, here's the link: 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10925448
> 
> ENJOY, MY CHILDREN. I HAVE MISSED YOU <3333


	7. Ep 7: I SHIP IT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my loves!! I have returned, with yet another chapter of almost complete crack for your reading pleasure! I'll admit, I kind of got out of control with the flirting and the thirst in this one. But I think you'll forgive me. This also marks the return of one of my absolute favorite characters ;)
> 
> This Chapter Features:  
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)  
> Georgi Popovich: popupbitch

_11:04 A.M._

**el leon** : i fuckin hate you guys  
 **yuri katsudon** : We said we were sorry!  
 **el leon** : i have to scrub my eyes with bleach  
 **el leon** : my innocence is gone  
 **dance(a$$)** : trust me, Leo, we’ve all seen worse  
 **dance(a$$)** : last year’s GPF, for example  
 **hollywoodhong** : please never get naked while I sleep again :c  
 **dance(a$$)** : ANYTHING FOR YOU GUANG-HONG  
 **el leon** : unbelievable

_11:36 A.M._

**el leon** : is anyone else still REALLY   
**el leon** : REALLY  
 **el leon** : hungover?  
 **yuri katsudon** : Nope!  
 **yuri katsudon** : Victor is though.  
 **el leon** : he’s russian tho  
 **yuri katsudon** : Yeah and he holds his liquor like a middle schooler stealing booze.  
 **yuri katsudon** : Read: Badly.  
 **dance(a$$)** : that’s rich, coming from you  
 **peach-eat** : chris shhh  
 **yuri katsudon** : He keeps trying to force me to nap.  
 **el leon** : then nap???  
 **yuri katsudon** : Don’t wanna.   
**peach-eat** : that’s ok bby u sleep when u wanna  
 **yuri katsudon** : He’ll notice if I don’t sleep.  
 **el leon** : how  
 **yuri katsudon** : He’s asleep on top of me  
 **peach-eat** : yuri good thing you’re thicc  
 **peach-eat** : or else he’d crush you  
 **peach-eat** : he’s tall  
 **el leon** : no, chris is tall  
 **el leon** : victor is a lanky lil shit

_5:07 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I fell doing a jump in practice after Victor SPECIFICALLY told me not to  
 **yuri katsudon** : I wanna die  
 **peach-eat** : don’t die  
 **yuri katsudon** : No promises  
 **yuri katsudon** : I  
 **yuri katsudon** : I probably won’t be on anymore today   
**peach-eat** : :/  
 **peach-eat** : okay yuri  
 **yuri katsudon** : Bye.

_5:25 P.M._

**peach-eat** : FIRST UP GUANG-HONG  
 **peach-eat** : LOOK AT THAT BABY GO  
 **el leon** : just remember, everyone  
 **el leon** : he’s skating while thinking about me   
**el leon** : ME  
 **el leon** : so I win  
 **peach-eat** : to be fair he’s also thinking about shooting georgi   
**peach-eat** : in a streetfight  
 **el leon** : shut up phichit you’re ruining my moment  
 **dance(a$$)** : have any of you actually seen Shanghai Blade?  
 **el leon** : no   
**el leon** : and after this I don’t want to  
 **el leon** : don’t need to  
 **el leon** : this is all that matters  
 **dance(a$$)** : fair  
 **dance(a$$)** : you guys  
 **dance(a$$)** : Yuri just ran around and turned off all the TVs in the lounge  
 **peach-eat** : oh shit  
 **peach-eat** : nobody panic  
 **peach-eat** : NOBODY PANIC  
 **dance(a$$)** : phichit you’re panicking  
 **peach-eat** : I KNOW  
 **peach-eat** : HE’S NERVOUS  
 **peach-eat** : HE CAN’T BE NERVOUS  
 **peach-eat** : HE FUCKS UP WHEN HE’S NERVOUS

_5:27 P.M._

**peach-eat** : GUANG-HONG FELL  
 **dance(a$$)** : he can’t win with that score…  
 **el leon** : but that little guy sure can skate <3333  
 **dance(a$$)** : I’m floored, actually  
 **dance(a$$)** : he’s so fast  
 **dance(a$$)** : aaaaand FINISHED  
 **el leon** : so cute  
 **el leon** : 10/10 would bang  
 **peach-eat** : WHAT  
 **el leon** : WHAT  
 **el leon** : shut up

_5:30 P.M._

**peach-eat** : CHRISSSSSS  
 **peach-eat** : UR GONNA DO GREAT  
 **el leon** : wow phichit  
 **el leon** : showing feelings for someone other than yuri  
 **peach-eat** : i’m an equal opportunity cheerleader ok  
 **peach-eat** : SHIT look at those digs  
 **peach-eat** : sexy  
 **el leon** : phichit please  
 **peach-eat** : U WERE ALL THINKING IT  
 **peach-eat** : WE R ALL GAY HERE   
**peach-eat** : AT LEAST PARTIALLY  
 **el leon** : yeah you right he looks good  
 **el leon** : flawless jumps too  
 **hollywoodhong** : I think Yuri is having a panic attack!!! :o  
 **el leon** : what???  
 **hollywoodhong** : Victor just dragged him away…  
 **peach-eat** : they’ll be fINE  
 **peach-eat** : theY BETTER BE FINE  
 **el leon** : phichit shut up look at chris  
 **peach-eat** : oh LORD  
 **peach-eat** : HAS ANYONE EVER NOTICED THAT CHRIS IS HOT AS FUCK  
 **el leon** : it’s finally happened  
 **el leon** : <33333  
 **el leon** : dude he looks salty af  
 **el leon** : think he regrets being friend with us yet?  
 **peach-eat** : nah   
**el leon** : chill  
 **peach-eat** : yeah  
 **el leon** : he’s getting close  
 **peach-eat** : leo no  
 **el leon** : closer  
 **peach-eat** : LEO  
 **el leon** : aaaaaand  
 **el leon** : NUT  
 **peach-eat** : LEO HE’S GONNA READ THIS  
 **el leon** : am I wrong tho  
 **peach-eat** : ……….  
 **peach-eat** : no  
 **el leon** : okay great

_5:36 P.M._

**dance(a$$)** : MOTHER FUCKER  
 **el leon** : chris  
 **el leon** : jesus christ  
 **dance(a$$)** : PHICHIT  
 **dance(a$$)** : BABY  
 **dance(a$$)** : YOU LOOK SO FINE  
 **el leon** : how did you not see him he was walking around all day  
 **dance(a$$)** : he had a jacket on  
 **dance(a$$)** : shut your heathen mouth  
 **dance(a$$)** : look at him in those blue sparkles  
 **dance(a$$)** : hey @god I know I said I was an atheist  
 **dance(a$$)** : but I’m back  
 **dance(a$$)** : do with me as you will  
 **dance(a$$)** : LOOK AT THAT MAN  
 **el leon** : chris holy fuck  
 **dance(a$$)** : HOLY FUCK INDEED  
 **hollywoodhong** : Where is Yuri???  
 **hollywoodhong** : Phichit’s going on next and he’s gonna miss it!!  
 **el leon** : oh you’re right  
 **el leon** : YURI   
**el leon** : COME BACK  
 **el leon** : phichit might actually cry if he finds out yuri missed him  
 **dance(a$$)** : YOU DON’T NEED YURI, PHICHIT  
 **dance(a$$)** : YOU CAN HAVE ME  
 **el leon** : for fuck’s sake

_5:38 P.M._

**el leon** : that’s thai music  
 **el leon** : what the heck phichit  
 **el leon** : how did you get ciao ciao to let you use that  
 **dance(a$$)** : PERFECT QUAD  
 **el leon** : what a day  
 **dance(a$$)** : ANOTHER QUAD   
**dance(a$$)** : PHICHIIIIIIT  
 **dance(a$$)** : MARRY ME  
 **hollywoodhong** : OH MY GOD HE’S SO GOOD  
 **dance(a$$)** : THAT POSE  
 **dance(a$$)** : AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH  
 **el leon** : well damn  
 **el leon** : that was amazing

_5:40 P.M._

**el leon** : 285.76  
 **dance(a$$)** : HE BEAT ME  
 **dance(a$$)** : he can beat me anytime  
 **el leon** : jesus christ

_5:43 P.M._

**hollywoodhong** : LEOOOOO  
 **hollywoodhong** : GO GET EM  
 **peach-eat** : simple  
 **peach-eat** : understated  
 **peach-eat** : good look, pal  
 **dance(a$$)** : needs mesh  
 **peach-eat** : WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN

_5:49 P.M._

**el leon** : fuck  
 **peach-eat** : U DID GREAT  
 **el leon** : i’m in last place  
 **hollywoodhong** : BUT YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL!  
 **hollywoodhong** : COME FIND ME I’LL HUG YOU! c;  
 **el leon** : OOOOHHH 

_5:50 P.M._

**el leon** : shddjjhhhhhhhh  
 **dance(a$$)** : what  
 **dance(a$$)** : leo what was that

_5:51 P.M._

**el leon** : sorry guang-hong kinda   
**el leon** : hug tackled me  
 **el leon** : and my phone typed that whoops  
 **dance(a$$)** : YEEEAAHHHHHH GET SOME

_5:54 P.M._

**peach-eat** : OH MY GOD  
 **peach-eat** : GEORGI  
 **el leon** : no makeup today  
 **peach-eat** : HE LOOKS LIKE ELSA  
 **el leon** : oh my god phichit  
 **peach-eat** : LET IT GOOOOOOO  
 **el leon** : LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 **el leon** : he looks good ngl  
 **el leon** : good form  
 **peach-eat** : FUCK  
 **peach-eat** : I THINK THAT’S ANYA  
 **dance(a$$)** : WHERE  
 **peach-eat** : LEFT SIDE, CREAM COLORED COAT  
 **peach-eat** : BIG RED LIPS  
 **dance(a$$)** : yep that’s Anya  
 **peach-eat** : WHAT SHE DOIN  
 **el leon** : oh shit georgi saw her  
 **el leon** : oh no  
 **dance(a$$)** : OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH   
**dance(a$$)** : THUMBS DOWN  
 **el leon** : GEORGI NOOOOOO  
 **peach-eat** : ROASTED  
 **peach-eat** : ROASTED SO HARD OH MY GOD  
 **peach-eat** : HE JUST SCREAMED WHAT THE SHIT  
 **peach-eat** : LIKE  
 **peach-eat** : OUT LOUD  
 **peach-eat** : ON THE ICE  
 **peach-eat** : GEORGI UR MY HERO  
 **peach-eat** : I LOVE U SO MUCH  
 **el leon** : he fell  
 **el leon** : get fucked, ice  
 **el leon** : you made georgi fall  
 **peach-eat** : his own mental instability made him fall  
 **el leon** : i repeat  
 **el leon** : fuck the ice  
 **peach-eat** : chris is trying  
 **dance(a$$)** : hey  
 **dance(a$$)** : nice one  
 **peach-eat** : thx bro  
 **dance(a$$)** : SOLID FINISH FOR GEORGI   
**dance(a$$)** : YAY GEORGI

_5:59 P.M._

**peach-eat** : THIRD PLACE  
 **peach-eat** : HE’S IN THIRD PLACE  
 **peach-eat** : IF YURI BEATS HIM HE’S FUCKED  
 **dance(a$$)** : AWWWW  
 **el leon** : well, he doesn’t look too depressed  
 **el leon** : think he’ll talk to us  
 **peach-eat** : maybe  
 **peach-eat** : wait  
 **peach-eat** : WAIT  
 **peach-eat** : OH MY FUCKING GOD

_**peach-eat** added **popupbitch**_

**popupbitch** : hey  
 **popupbitch** : howd i do  
 **peach-eat** : GEORGIIIIIII  
 **peach-eat** : WE MISSED YOU  
 **popupbitch** : i saw you yesterday  
 **peach-eat** : MISSED  
 **peach-eat** : YOU  
 **popupbitch** : i missed you guys too  
 **popupbitch** : whats been up  
 **el leon** : yuri is missing  
 **popupbitch** : what else is new  
 **dance(a$$)** : but forreal  
 **dance(a$$)** : where the fuck is Yuri?  
 **dance(a$$)** : they wouldn’t wait this long for anyone else  
 **popupbitch** : its because hes Victors now  
 **popupbitch** : theyll hold up continents for Victor Nikiforov  
 **peach-eat** : WAIT HERE THEY COME  
 **el leon** : yuri looks like he’s been crying  
 **hollywoodhong** : Good thing Victor has tissues ;c  
 **popupbitch** : i swear if they were just fucking in the parking garage   
**el leon** : I love you georgi  
 **peach-eat** : yep he’s been crying  
 **peach-eat** : why he poke victor’s head  
 **dance(a$$)** : it’s some kind of gay signal  
 **popupbitch** : explains why you understand it, chris  
 **peach-eat** : ROASTED  
 **peach-eat** : GEORGI CAN TAKE IT AND DISH IT 

_6:01 P.M._

**peach-eat** : yuri looks too happy  
 **el leon** : what  
 **peach-eat** : he’s never that chill when he skates  
 **peach-eat** : wtf happened  
 **dance(a$$)** : AAAAAND QUAD  
 **dance(a$$)** : OH HELL YEAH  
 **peach-eat** : but seriously he looks so calm  
 **popupbitch** : im telling you, victor sucked his dick before this  
 **dance(a$$)** : not gonna rule that out just yet tbh  
 **peach-eat** : SECOND QUAD  
 **peach-eat** : FLAWLESS  
 **hollywoodhong** : “his theme is…love”  
 **el leon** : fuck yeah it is  
 **dance(a$$)** : oh his form is exquisite  
 **dance(a$$)** : phichit how could you keep him to yourself all these years  
 **peach-eat** : i’m sorry???  
 **dance(a$$)** : it’s okay  
 **dance(a$$)** : now Victor is hogging him though  
 **dance(a$$)** : how sad  
 **peach-eat** : AW HE FELL  
 **peach-eat** : ON FUCKIN TRIPLE AXEL WTF YURI  
 **peach-eat** : THAT’S UR SHIT  
 **el leon** : that combo was LIT  
 **popupbitch** : but he stumbled  
 **popupbitch** : yuri come on  
 **peach-eat** : ANOTHER COMBO THO  
 **popupbitch** : youve all watched his program before  
 **peach-eat** : YEAH AND HE GETS BETTER EVERY TIME  
 **peach-eat** : IT’S INTIMIDATING AND AROUSING  
 **popupbitch** : i didnt need to know that  
 **dance(a$$)** : Victor looks SHOOK  
 **dance(a$$)** : it’s cute (/^▽^)/  
 **el leon** : god that step sequence is good  
 **el leon** : heckin  
 **peach-eat** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
 **peach-eat** : OOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD  
 **peach-eat** : HOL Y FCKUING SHIT  
 **peach-eat** : YURI KATSUKI  
 **dance(a$$)** : A QUAD FLIP  
 **popupbitch** : he landed on his ass  
 **popupbitch** : but  
 **popupbitch** : wow  
 **dance(a$$)** : VICTOR IS DYINGGGGG  
 **dance(a$$)** : I’M DYING  
 **dance(a$$)** : PHICHIT JUST BURST INTO TEARS

_6:04 P.M._

**el leon** : oh victor does not look happy  
 **el leon** : wait if he kicks yuri’s ass for changing it I wanna have that saved  
 **el leon** : gonna snapchat it  
 **peach-eat** : leo no that’s rude  
 **el leon** : you’re one to talk   
**peach-eat** : tru  
 **peach-eat** : imma do it too  
 **peach-eat** : …  
 **peach-eat** : ….  
 **peach-eat** : …..  
 **dance(a$$)** : DIHSIYFSYDOIJfhdsGTh VDSJGFYIFGDGVJD  
 **dance(a$$)** : OH MY GOOOOOOOD

_**el leon** sent a video_

_**peach-eat** sent a video_

_6:07 P.M._

**peach-eat** : MY HEART   
**peach-eat** : I CAN’T TAKE THIS  
 **peach-eat** : I’M WEAK  
 **peach-eat** : WEAK I TELL YOU  
 **dance(a$$)** : we saw the video  
 **peach-eat** : WHICH ONE  
 **dance(a$$)** : both  
 **peach-eat** : OH  
 **peach-eat** : OKAY  
 **peach-eat** : GOOD  
 **peach-eat** : I’M CRYING

_6:09 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : …  
 **yuri katsudon** : I’m guessing you guys saw that *-*  
 **peach-eat** : YUUUUUUURRRRRRRIIIIIIIIII  
 **peach-eat** : HE KISSED YOU  
 **peach-eat** : ON THE MOUTH  
 **peach-eat** : IN FRONT OF PEOPLE  
 **peach-eat** : ON TV  
 **peach-eat** : YOUR MOM PROBABLY SAW  
 **peach-eat** : MY MOM PROBABLY SAW  
 **peach-eat** : ACTUALLY I KNOW SHE SAW BC SHE CALLED ME  
 **peach-eat** : CRYING  
 **peach-eat** : I’M CRY YURI  
 **peach-eat** : I’M CRY  
 **yuri katsudon** : Yeah, I watched the videos  
 **yuri katsudon** : Great play by play, Leo  
 **yuri katsudon** : The screaming and crying at the end was much appreciated  
 **yuri katsudon** : I didn’t know you cared ;)  
 **el leon** : YURI OF COURSE I CARE  
 **el leon** : I NEARLY STRANGLED GUANG-HONG   
**el leon** : BY ACCIDENT  
 **el leon** : I WAS CRYIN  
 **yuri katsudon** : I saw that too   
**yuri katsudon** : Good thing you didn’t, huh?  
 **el leon** : I KNOW   
**peach-eat** : YURI I’M OS PROUD OF U   
**yuri katsudon** : Thank you <3  
 **peach-eat** : HEARTS  
 **peach-eat** : HE GAVE ME A HEART AHHHHH  
 **peach-eat** : DID U SEE MY VIDEO YURI  
 **yuri katsudon** : Yes  
 **yuri katsudon** : You jumping into Chris’s arms and both of you knocking over Ciao Ciao was 10/10  
 **peach-eat** : HE WAS ANGRY  
 **peach-eat** : BUT IT’S OKAY

_6:48 P.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I have to say,  
 **yuri katsudon** : That was the best podium I’ve ever been part of   
**dance(a$$)** : YURIIIII <3333  
 **hollywoodhong** : Congrats on gold, Phichit!  
 **dance(a$$)** : CONGRAAAAAATS  
 **el leon** : you skated good!  
 **popupbitch** : i have to admit  
 **popupbitch** : youve gotten much better  
 **peach-eat** : THANK U GUYS  
 **peach-eat** : I MIGHT CRY AGAIN  
 **yuri katsudon** : I’m crying again…  
 **dance(a$$)** : GROUP HUG  
 **dance(a$$)** : GROUP HUG GROUP HUG  
 **peach-eat** : COME OUT ON THE ICE   
**el leon** : OKAY

_8:29 P.M._

**peach-eat** : sorry u got kicked off the ice  
 **peach-eat** : didn’t think they’d do that tbh  
 **peach-eat** : i won gold they should listen to me  
 **popupbitch** : its fine  
 **peach-eat** : thx georgi  
 **peach-eat** : ur a real pal

_10:10 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : So  
 **yuri katsudon** : How’s everyone doing?  
 **yuri katsudon** : Surviving the Day After?  
 **el leon** : fuck up the shut i’m flying home today  
 **el leon** : BUT  
 **el leon** : BUT  
 **el leon** : guang-hong is coming back with me  
 **el leon** : for a WHOLE WEEK  
 **el leon** : HA  
 **hollywoodhong** : It’s true!!  
 **dance(a$$)** : my little lovebugs <3  
 **dance(a$$)** : Georgi why aren’t we cute like that  
 **popupbitch** : were not dating?  
 **dance(a$$)** : technicalities  
 **dance(a$$)** : OH OH OH   
**dance(a$$)** : IDEA  
 **popupbitch** : lord help me  
 **dance(a$$)** : we’re gonna go out!  
 **yuri katsudon** : Oh, yeah,  
 **yuri katsudon** : Chris and Georgi have the Trophee de France together  
 **popupbitch** : dont remind me  
 **dance(a$$)** : oh come on, cutie  
 **dance(a$$)** : we can go get drinks!  
 **popupbitch** : ive had drinks with you all once  
 **popupbitch** : i ended the night crying and then getting naked  
 **popupbitch** : i do not need a repeat  
 **dance(a$$)** : no crying and no nudity!  
 **dance(a$$)** : that’s a promise!  
 **dance(a$$)** : …  
 **dance(a$$)** : well…  
 **dance(a$$)** : NO CRYING, AT LEAST  
 **popupbitch** : no  
 **dance(a$$)** : we fly to France tomorrow  
 **dance(a$$)** : I’ll find you, Georgi  
 **dance(a$$)** : and I’ll make you have fun

_12:39 P.M._

**popupbitch** : so yuri  
 **yuri katsudon** : Yes?  
 **popupbitch** : i assume you and victor are dating now  
 **yuri katsudon** : I guess so.  
 **yuri katsudon** : Publicly, at least.  
 **popupbitch** : let me be the first to tell you  
 **popupbitch** : that victor is a little shit  
 **yuri katsudon** : I know.  
 **popupbitch** : and a really great person  
 **popupbitch** : he loves you  
 **yuri katsudon** : Holy shit, Georgi.  
 **yuri katsudon** : Thanks.  
 **popupbitch** : whatever

_4:27 P.M._

**peach-eat** : Christophe Giacometti  
 **dance(a$$)** : present  
 **peach-eat** : how could u  
 **dance(a$$)** : what did I do?  
 **peach-eat** : u  
 **peach-eat** : didn’t tell me  
 **peach-eat** : that u have  
 **peach-eat** : tHE WORLD’S CUTEST LITTLE ROUND HARRY POTTER GLASSES  
 **dance(a$$)** : oh   
**dance(a$$)** : yeah  
 **dance(a$$)** : I can’t read for shit without them  
 **peach-eat** : I LOVE U  
 **dance(a$$)** : because I can’t see  
 **peach-eat** : YES  
 **peach-eat** : COME HERE  
 **dance(a$$)** : I’m in france  
 **peach-eat** : CLOSE ENOUGH LEMME HUG U  
 **dance(a$$)** : I’ll do my best  
 **peach-eat** : I WANNA KISS U   
**peach-eat** : U R SO CUTE  
 **dance(a$$)** : my bf might not like that  
 **peach-eat** : U GUYS ARE IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP AND U KNOW IT   
**dance(a$$)** : ye  
 **dance(a$$)** : true  
 **yuri katsudon** : I SHIP IT  
 **hollywoodhong** : :ooooo  
 **hollywoodhong** : Yuri knows what shipping is  
 **peach-eat** : BLESS THIS DAY  
 **peach-eat** : BLESS THIS FAMILY

_6:16 P.M._

**popupbitch** : i hate you chris  
 **dance(a$$)** : no, you don’t   
**popupbitch** : i do. im in mourning. and youre making me do this  
 **dance(a$$)** : you act like I’m torturing you  
 **dance(a$$)** : I want to buy you a French hot chocolate and probably some wine   
**popupbitch** : why  
 **dance(a$$)** : because we’re friends  
 **popupbitch** : whatever. im in the lobby.  
 **dance(a$$)** : on my way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting good, right? I'm starting to really get back into the writing groove, so hopefully this will be finished by the end of the summer!! Also...
> 
> SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS: ANOTHER BONUS CONTENT ONE-SHOT!! This one features the (slightly PG-13) adventures of Chris and Georgi during the Trophee de France~~ Find it in the YKSG series or with the link below:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11268621


	8. Ep 8: tasty but standard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW AN UPDATE??? AND IN LESS THAN A MONTH, TOO. This entire chapter was created in about three hours, so if it's more incoherent than usual, I apologize. But...episode 8 means that I now get to write about my all-time favorite character... 
> 
> The Squad (which grew EXPONENTIALLY):  
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)  
> Georgi Popovich: popupbitch  
> Yuri Plisetsky: tigrrfashion  
> Emil Nekola: the real pewdiepie  
> Mickey Crispino: crispiNO  
> Seunggil Lee: Seung Gil Lee  
> Victor Nikiforov: victor katsudon

_8:09 A.M._

**popupbitch** : so  
 **popupbitch** : like  
 **popupbitch** : chris isnt all that bad  
 **popupbitch** : hes overdramatic as fuck  
 **popupbitch** : and his scruff is kind of itchy  
 **popupbitch** : but  
 **popupbitch** : hes cool  
 **peach-eat** : WHO ARE U AND WHAT DID U DO WITH GEORGI  
 **el leon** : a better question is  
 **el leon** : why do you know how itchy chris’s scruff is  
 **peach-eat** : I SEE WHAT UR IMPLYING AND I DON’T KNOW IF I LIKE IT  
 **peach-eat** : GEORGI  
 **peach-eat** : EXPLAIN  
 **hollywoodhong** : AMERICA EXPLAIN  
 **el leon** : russia explain?  
 **hollywoodhong** : Whatev  
 **popupbitch** : wouldnt you like to know?  
 **peach-eat** : GEORGIIII  
 **dance(a$$)** : good morning!!!  
 **peach-eat** : CHRIS   
**peach-eat** : EXPLAIN  
 **dance(a$$)** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **peach-eat** : NOOOOOOO  
 **yuri katsudon** : They fucked.  
 **el leon** : damn katsuki  
 **el leon** : right to the point  
 **popupbitch** : you cant prove that though  
 **dance(a$$)** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

_8:46 A.M._

**popupbitch** : i hate to always be the one to do this  
 **popupbitch** : but

_**popupbitch** added **tigrrfashion**_

**tigrrfashion** : can someone just make victor stopppp???  
 **tigrrfashion** : ideally permanently??????  
 **popupbitch** : whatd he do  
 **tigrrfashion** : i ran into his stupid ass in the lobby  
 **tigrrfashion** : and he WOULDN’T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT KATSUDON  
 **hollywoodhong** : Yurio they’re in love!  
 **tigrrfashion** : DON’T CALL ME THAT  
 **dance(a$$)** : we don’t allow murder here  
 **tigrrfashion** : we don’t?  
 **dance(a$$)** : goddamnit leo  
 **el leon** : jokes  
 **tigrrfashion** : whatever  
 **tigrrfashion** : you fuckers r nvr any help anyway  
 **tigrrfashion** : half of you got kicked out of the gpf ALREADY  
 **el leon** : ouch  
 **peach-eat** : jesus yurio take a chill pill  
 **tigrrfashion** : I WILL NOT  
 **tigrrfashion** : FUCK YOU GUYS  
 **tigrrfashion** : I SPILLED VICTOR’S COFFEE ALREADY SO FUCK OFF

_11:32 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Do any of you know anything about the Crispinos?  
 **el leon** : fuck, yuri, you were in the gpf with Michele last year  
 **yuri katsudon** : Yeah, but…  
 **yuri katsudon** : Mickey is WAY overprotective.  
 **yuri katsudon** : His sister said hi to me and he almost went ballistic.  
 **yuri katsudon** : Are they like…  
 **peach-eat** : doin it?  
 **peach-eat** : i hope not  
 **peach-eat** : that Sara is fine af  
 **popupbitch** : isnt she gay?  
 **popupbitch** : i swear to god she hooked up with mila once  
 **dance(a$$)** : Georgi, I’m gonna sing you a little song  
 **dance(a$$)** : maybe you’re familiar with the concept   
**dance(a$$)** : intimately  
 **dance(a$$)** : familiar  
 **dance(a$$)** : (sorry justin timberlake)  
 **dance(a$$)** : BI BI BI (BI BI)  
 **hollywoodhong** : DON’T WANNA BE A FOOL FOR YOU  
 **hollywoodhong** : JUST ANOTHER PLAYER IN YOUR GAME FOR TWO  
 **peach-eat** : U MAY HATE ME BUT IT AIN’T NO LIE  
 **dance(a$$)** : BABY BI BI BI   
**dance(a$$)** : (BI BI)

_11:39 A.M._

**el leon** : wait I just realized something  
 **el leon** : mickey went to the grand prix final last year  
 **el leon** : isn’t that wild  
 **peach-eat** : u know what’s even more wild?  
 **el leon** : what  
 **peach-eat** : the fact that the only qualifiers so far are that dude from kazakhstan   
**peach-eat** : and chris  
 **el leon** : are you watching the coverage too?  
 **peach-eat** : yeah  
 **peach-eat** : who the fuck is jj?  
 **el leon** : dunno  
 **el leon** : but   
**el leon** : have you seen seunggil lee???  
 **peach-eat** : OH HELL YEAH  
 **peach-eat** : WEEWOO WEEWOO  
 **peach-eat** : DADDY ALERT  
 **el leon** : phichit what the fuck  
 **hollywoodhong** : You really didn’t need to say that in the chat…  
 **el leon** : OH DUDE THEY JUST CALLED YOU OUT ON LIVE TV  
 **el leon** : “thailand’s phichit chulanont”  
 **el leon** : they mispronounced your name bro  
 **el leon** : as I recall, it’s pronounced  
 **el leon** : “peach eat chocolate nun”  
 **peach-eat** : FUUUUUUUCK  
 **peach-eat** : I DON’T NEED THE PRESSURE  
 **peach-eat** : AND SHUT UP AUTOCORRECT IS JUST RACIST  
 **popupbitch** : did you just call seunggil lee daddy  
 **peach-eat** : uhhhhh  
 **peach-eat** : i don’t recall???  
 **hollywoodhong** : You literally did  
 **peach-eat** : ur receipts???  
 **peach-eat** : do not work on me????  
 **peach-eat** : i’m sorry??  
 **yuri katsudon** : You like him :)  
 **peach-eat** : WELL DAMN YURI  
 **peach-eat** : I GOT INTO KPOP WHILE WE WERE IN DETROIT, OKAY?  
 **peach-eat** : AND EVER SINCE THEN I’VE LOVED ME A KOREAN MAN  
 **hollywoodhong** : is that…  
 **hollywoodhong** : also racist?  
 **dance(a$$)** : fetishizing certain subgroups of people?  
 **dance(a$$)** : ye a little bit racist  
 **peach-eat** : U WANNA EXPOSE ME HERE?  
 **peach-eat** : CUZ I’LL EXPOSE MY DAMN SELF  
 **peach-eat** : I LIKE KPOP   
**peach-eat** : I LIKE SEUNGGIL LEE  
 **peach-eat** : HE’S GOT PRETTY EYES  
 **yuri katsudon** : I wonder if he would like to join the groupchat…  
 **peach-eat** : YUURHYIT  
 **peach-eat** : NO YURI   
**peach-eat** : NO

_2:21 P.M._

**hollywoodhong** : GROUP ONE IS ON THE ICE  
 **hollywoodhong** : GROUP ONE IS ON THE ICE  
 **el leon** : thanks guang-hong

_2:25 P.M._

**hollywoodhong** : SEUNGGIL LOOKS LIKE A PARROT  
 **peach-eat** : a pretty parrot  
 **peach-eat** : with seductive eyes  
 **dance(a$$)** : is this Latin music  
 **hollywoodhong** : Leo, help!  
 **el leon** : …yeah, it’s latin music  
 **peach-eat** : y tho  
 **el leon** : idk  
 **dance(a$$)** : A QUAD LOOP???  
 **peach-eat** : WHAT   
**peach-eat** : Y IS HE PERFECT  
 **yuri katsudon** : “Amping up the sex appeal in his performance”   
**el leon** : WATCH OUT YURI HE COMING FOR YOUR BIT  
 **yuri katsudon** : Oh God…  
 **el leon** : HA HE FUCKIN FELL  
 **dance(a$$)** : okay yeah he’s pretty af  
 **peach-eat** : THAT FINAL POSE  
 **peach-eat** : STEP ON ME   
**popupbitch** : phichit you need to cool it  
 **hollywoodhong** : 91.83  
 **el leon** : not bad not bad

_2:31 P.M._

**peach-eat** : whoa whoa whoa  
 **peach-eat** : emil nekola is 18???  
 **el leon** : bitch I’m 19  
 **el leon** : that man is 37  
 **dance(a$$)** : it’s the facial hair  
 **dance(a$$)** : makes him look sophisticated  
 **popupbitch** : no, chris, it makes him look like you  
 **dance(a$$)** : yes  
 **dance(a$$)** : your point?

_2:33 P.M._

**el leon** : dudes  
 **el leon** : I figured it out  
 **el leon** : jj leroy is the guy that got bronze in the last gpf  
 **peach-eat** : the fuck???  
 **peach-eat** : how did we miss that????  
 **el leon** : he has a maple leaf tramp stamp  
 **popupbitch** : i want him dead  
 **yuri katsudon** : He just insulted Seunggil and basically kabedon’d Victor   
**yuri katsudon** : The fuck’s wrong with this guy?  
 **dance(a$$)** : let me explain  
 **dance(a$$)** : JJ Leroy is a spoiled Canadian asshole  
 **dance(a$$)** : with a beautiful, beautiful face  
 **dance(a$$)** : like wow have you seen his face?  
 **dance(a$$)** : but it doesn’t matter how pretty he is because his personality is shit  
 **yuri katsudon** : Canadian and an asshole?  
 **yuri katsudon** : Is that possible?  
 **dance(a$$)** : he’s the first of his kind

_2:37 P.M._

**el leon** : mickey crispino is really attractive   
**el leon** : but like  
 **el leon** : in a very bland way  
 **peach-eat** : I FEEL THAT   
**peach-eat** : he’s like a café latte  
 **peach-eat** : tasty  
 **peach-eat** : but standard   
**popupbitch** : and i think emil is in love with him  
 **el leon** : wow georgi  
 **el leon** : perceptive  
 **popupbitch** : do you want to die?  
 **el leon** : …  
 **popupbitch** : dont answer that  
 **peach-eat** : what the fuck is that weird little cape coming out of his armpit  
 **hollywoodhong** : Mickey’s?  
 **peach-eat** : yeah  
 **peach-eat** : it’s like a handkerchief  
 **el leon** : maybe he’s real sweaty but only on one side  
 **peach-eat** : bless

_2:40 P.M._

**peach-eat** : second place for mickey  
 **peach-eat** : and now  
 **peach-eat** : *dramatic music*  
 **peach-eat** : for group two

_2:42 P.M._

**peach-eat** : YURIIIIII  
 **dance(a$$)** : all them bitches chanting victor’s name  
 **dance(a$$)** : don’t they know yuri is the real star here  
 **popupbitch** : dont they know victor is gay as fuck?  
 **peach-eat** : ROASTED  
 **peach-eat** : OH  
 **peach-eat** : OH YURI  
 **peach-eat** : GRABBING HIM BY THE TIE I SEE U BOI I SEE U  
 **popupbitch** : i bet hes shitting his pants right about now  
 **el leon** : what you mean  
 **popupbitch** : oh come on  
 **popupbitch** : all of russia thinks yuri is hogging victor  
 **popupbitch** : they want their hero back more than anything  
 **popupbitch** : and yuri knows it  
 **peach-eat** : LOL FUCK NO HE JUST BLEW A KISS TO THE JUDGES  
 **popupbitch** : obviously i am mistaken  
 **hollywoodhong** : I really like this song  
 **el leon** : random  
 **hollywoodhong** : No, really!!   
**hollywoodhong** : It’s catchy as hell  
 **el leon** : he blushin  
 **el leon** : victor’s blushin  
 **peach-eat** : OOOOH  
 **peach-eat** : beautiful quad sal  
 **el leon** : and the combo  
 **el leon** : DAMN

_2:47 P.M._

**el leon** : hella good  
 **dance(a$$)** : ohoho  
 **dance(a$$)** : what have we here?  
 **dance(a$$)** : yuri plisetsky  
 **el leon** : not even waiting for katsudon to leave the rink  
 **peach-eat** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH  
 **peach-eat** : HE’S SO PRETTY  
 **el leon** : oh my god victor and yuri look SHOOK  
 **peach-eat** : AAAHHAHAHAHAHA  
 **peach-eat** : LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING FACES  
 **peach-eat** : THEY’RE SO PROUD OF HIM  
 **popupbitch** : what good dads  
 **el leon** : #dads  
 **hollywoodhong** : No lie, Plisetsky looks like he’s gonna commit murder  
 **el leon** : 109.97 for katsudon  
 **peach-eat** : YEET  
 **peach-eat** : VICTOR   
**peach-eat** : WHAT THE FUCK  
 **peach-eat** : DON’T KISS HIS SKATE  
 **popupbitch** : thats super unsanitary  
 **el leon** : aw they waving to yurio  
 **peach-eat** : OOOH HE MAD HE MAD  
 **dance(a$$)** : that baby runs on pure spite  
 **dance(a$$)** : I love him

_2:49 P.M._

**hollywoodhong** : So far so good!!  
 **hollywoodhong** : OUCH spoke too soon :c  
 **el leon** : fell on the first jump  
 **popupbitch** : dont underestimate that little bastard  
 **popupbitch** : hes a lot angrier and more driven than he seems  
 **peach-eat** : QUAD SAL  
 **el leon** : in a combo  
 **peach-eat** : AMAZE  
 **peach-eat** : AND A QUAD TOE LOOP THE FUCK  
 **hollywoodhong** : He’s so pretty???  
 **el leon** : so pretty   
**peach-eat** : he’s gonna give yuri some trouble  
 **peach-eat** : callin it right now  
 **hollywoodhong** : WOW that final pose is something  
 **dance(a$$)** : he’s strong too  
 **dance(a$$)** : for such a skinny thing  
 **peach-eat** : AWWW THE KITTY EARS  
 **peach-eat** : PERFECT THROW, FANGIRL  
 **peach-eat** : PERFECT THROW  
 **hollywoodhong** : Oh God  
 **hollywoodhong** : Don’t look now  
 **hollywoodhong** : But it’s JJ  
 **el leon** : who’s jj?  
 **peach-eat** : fuckin  
 **peach-eat** : leo we just went over this the joke’s not funny anymore  
 **el leon** : damn sorry  
 **peach-eat** : 98.09 plisetky yeeeee

_2:52 P.M._

**el leon** : last up  
 **el leon** : we have the one and only  
 **el leon** : jean-jacques leroy  
 **dance(a$$)** : an original song  
 **el leon** : the fuck?  
 **hollywoodhong** : THEME OF KING JJ  
 **peach-eat** : OH  
 **peach-eat** : OH NO  
 **peach-eat** : WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS THIS  
 **popupbitch** : holy shit  
 **popupbitch** : and i thought victor had some narcissistic tendencies  
 **dance(a$$)** : this is  
 **dance(a$$)** : incredible  
 **dance(a$$)** : I think I’m crying  
 **el leon** : chris oh my god  
 **dance(a$$)** : he looks like a grape  
 **popupbitch** : an eggplant  
 **el leon** : quad toe loop triple toe loop  
 **peach-eat** : oh god  
 **peach-eat** : oh GOD  
 **peach-eat** : is he GOOD???  
 **el leon** : he jumps really high   
**hollywoodhong** : I LOOK IN THE MIRROR THE KING LOOKS BACK AT ME  
 **popupbitch** : honestly im ready to go  
 **popupbitch** : i lived a good life  
 **popupbitch** : someone please murder me  
 **el leon** : but georgi  
 **el leon** : then you’ll never hear the end of the song  
 **peach-eat** : THE AUDIENCE IS S I N G I N G   
**dance(a$$)** : a quad lutz  
 **dance(a$$)** : at the end????  
 **peach-eat** : oh my god jj might be good  
 **peach-eat** : that pose is SO EXTRA  
 **yuri katsudon** : HE KISSED HIS FUCKING REFLECTION  
 **popupbitch** : im telling you a quick death would be appreciated  
 **yuri katsudon** : Honestly I’m right there with you  
 **hollywoodhong** : JJ STYLE  
 **dance(a$$)** : IT’S JJ STYLE  
 **peach-eat** : SADSYGEWGFUKCING  
 **yuri katsudon** : OH MY GOD  
 **yuri katsudon** : WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING WITH HIS HANDS  
 **el leon** : I AM SO UPSET

_3:01 P.M._

**popupbitch** : honestly what the fuck  
I think we should try to forget about it…  
 **hollywoodhong** : 113.56  
 **el leon** : MOTHERFUCKER  
 **el leon** : LEROY IS GOOD   
**el leon** : LEROY IS GOOD  
 **yuri katsudon** : WE’RE ALL FUCKED  
 **el leon** : RIGHT IN THE ASS  
 **peach-eat** : he did the jj thing again  
 **popupbitch** : dont say it

_3:03 P.M._

**tigrrfashion** : hey fuckers  
 **dance(a$$)** : Yurio be nice  
 **tigrrfashion** : shut up I’m trying to tell you something  
 **popupbitch** : way to start out  
 **tigrrfashion** : shut the fuck up  
 **tigrrfashion** : look  
 **tigrrfashion** : vitya’s dog is in the hospital   
**peach-eat** : MAKKACHIN  
 **tigrrfashion** : it choked on some food I guess  
 **peach-eat** : MAKKACHOKED  
 **el leon** : phichit you insensitive fuck  
 **peach-eat** : I MAKE JOKES WHEN I’M SCARED  
 **el leon** : amen to that  
 **tigrrfashion** : katsudon is making him go back to japan  
 **dance(a$$)** : what?  
 **hollywoodhong** : Yuri can’t skate without Victor…  
 **tigrrfashion** : fuckin exactly   
**tigrrfashion** : and now vitya dumped him on yakov  
 **peach-eat** : YAKOV?  
 **dance(a$$)** : in charge of Yuri?  
 **popupbitch** : god help him  
 **el leon** : thanks yurio  
 **tigrrfashion** : get fucked  
 **dance(a$$)** : he’s really charming, isn’t he?

_9:19 P.M._

**peach-eat** : i have a proposition to make  
 **el leon** : okay  
 **peach-eat** : this group chat is possibly the best thing i’ve ever done   
**el leon** : you got gold at the cup of china like three weeks ago  
 **peach-eat** : shut  
 **el leon** : sorry continue  
 **peach-eat** : thanks  
 **peach-eat** : anyway  
 **peach-eat** : in order to keep yuri entertained during this time of need  
 **peach-eat** : how do u all feel about recruiting some new members  
 **el leon** : we’re not a gang phichit  
 **peach-eat** : yes we r  
 **peach-eat** : a supportive, yuri katsuki-themed gang  
 **yuri katsudon** : I resent that.  
 **peach-eat** : SHUT  
 **peach-eat** : I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY  
 **yuri katsudon** : Can you make Victor’s dog survive a choking episode?  
 **peach-eat** : yuri plz  
 **peach-eat** : i am but a simple hamster parent  
 **peach-eat** : NOW  
 **peach-eat** : any suggestions?  
 **popupbitch** : not victor   
**el leon** : fair  
 **dance(a$$)** : well then, how about some of the skaters from today?  
 **peach-eat** : THE POSSIBILITIES  
 **peach-eat** : lemme do a quick search  
 **popupbitch** : chris  
 **popupbitch** : you do realize that means he could add jj to this chat  
 **dance(a$$)** : oh fuck   
**dance(a$$)** : Phichit come back  
 **peach-eat** : TOO LATE FUCKERS

_**peach-eat** added **crispiNO** , **the real pewdiepie** , and **Seung Gil Lee**_

**el leon** : how does he do that  
 **dance(a$$)** : I have no idea  
 **the real pewdiepie** : oh hey whaddup  
 **el leon** : EMIL  
 **the real pewdiepie** : no it’s pewdiepie  
 **crispiNO** : Can’t tell the fucking difference  
 **Seung Gil Lee** : Excuse me?  
 **Seung Gil Lee** : Who are all of you?  
 **peach-eat** : the list is too fucking long now guys  
 **peach-eat** : tl:dr it’s phichit, chris, leo, guang-hong, georgi, yuri katsuki, yuri plisetsky  
 **peach-eat** : and now mickey, emil, and u  
 **Seung Gil Lee** : And to what do I owe the pleasure?  
 **peach-eat** : FRIENDSHIP  
 **Seung Gil Lee** : Yeah.  
 **Seung Gil Lee** : No.

_**Seung Gil Lee** left the group_

**peach-eat** : NOOOOO  
 **peach-eat** : MY ONLY CHANCE  
 **the real pewdiepie** : dude   
**the real pewdiepie** : my man  
 **the real pewdiepie** : my bro  
 **the real pewdiepie** : supreme bruh  
 **the real pewdiepie** : do you have the hots for lee?  
 **the real pewdiepie** : because he is one tough nut to crack  
 **peach-eat** : am i  
 **peach-eat** : am i being assimilated into bro culture?  
 **peach-eat** : bc i’m too much of a twink for this  
 **peach-eat** : i’m not ready  
 **crispiNO** : That’s gay  
 **peach-eat** : oh yeah no homo mickey  
 **crispiNO** : Don’t patronize me  
 **el leon** : no too late  
 **el leon** : you’re our new token straight friend  
 **crispiNO** : What the fuck  
 **el leon** : our other token straight friend turned queer  
 **el leon** : at least a little bit  
 **popupbitch** : hey hows it going  
 **popupbitch** : my sexuality is ambiguous now  
 **crispiNO** : This group is fucking weird  
 **el leon** : you can leave if you want  
 **crispiNO** : No fuck that  
 **el leon** : exactly

_11:17 A.M._

**dance(a$$)** : THE DOG LIVES  
 **popupbitch** : oh good  
 **popupbitch** : that means i can do this

_**popupbitch** added **victor katsudon**_

**el leon** : georgi how could you  
 **popupbitch** : you all inspired me  
 **popupbitch** : if i have to sit through constant contact with you clowns the least i can do is torture you back  
 **popupbitch** : and believe me, victor is torture  
 **el leon** : are you fucking shitting me  
 **el leon** : his user is THAT?  
 **peach-eat** : I’M CACKLING OH MY GOD  
 **victor katsudon** : What on earth is this???  
 **peach-eat** : a groupchat  
 **victor katsudon** : I can see that  
 **victor katsudon** : Who are you all, exactly?  
 **peach-eat** : phichit  
 **hollywoodhong** : Guang-hong!  
 **el leon** : leo  
 **dance(a$$)** : Chris  
 **popupbitch** : georgi   
**victor katsudon** : Hi Chris!   
**victor katsudon** : Hi Georgi!  
 **el leon** : wow okay rude  
 **peach-eat** : ignored  
 **victor katsudon** : Is Yuri in this group too?  
 **peach-eat** : ye  
 **victor katsudon** : But  
 **victor katsudon** : But…  
 **victor katsudon** : WHY was I not INVITED???  
 **dance(a$$)** : we made this before Yuri even knew you   
**dance(a$$)** : well  
 **dance(a$$)** : kinda  
 **victor katsudon** : I’m…touched  
 **peach-eat** : excuse me  
 **victor katsudon** : You guys are so sWEET  
 **victor katsudon** : TAKING CARE OF MY YURI LIKE THIS   
**victor katsudon** : I LOVE YOU  
 **el leon** : are we sure this isn’t just minami again  
 **victor katsudon** : Who’s Minami?  
 **dance(a$$)** : …you met him!  
 **victor katsudon** : Oh, Yuri’s fan!! Yes, I remember.  
 **peach-eat** : victor u type like a grandpa  
 **victor katsudon** : I am a grandpa  
 **el leon** : ew  
 **peach-eat** : hey victor  
 **victor katsudon** : Yes?!  
 **peach-eat** : i’ve been wanting to ask this for a long time  
 **peach-eat** : did u and chris ever fuck  
 **victor katsudon** : Oh, honestly…  
 **victor katsudon** : Who hasn’t had sex with Chris?  
 **peach-eat** : OHHHHHH  
 **peach-eat** : MYYYYYYYYYYY  
 **peach-eat** : GODDDDDDDDDDDD  
 **victor katsudon** : You asked!  
 **peach-eat** : i didn’t expect a yes!!!  
 **popupbitch** : well now i feel dirty  
 **peach-eat** : GEORGI OMG STOP  
 **popupbitch** : if i wanted to fuck victor i couldve done it directly  
 **victor katsudon** : Honey, you wish.  
 **peach-eat** : OOOOOHHHH GOD  
 **el leon** : why does this always happen?  
 **el leon** : can’t we make it through one day without someone in the group wanting to sleep with someone else?  
 **peach-eat** : fat fucking chance leo  
 **peach-eat** : besides u started it when u went after guang-hong  
 **el leon** : …  
 **el leon** : yeah that’s fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm being really mean to JJ in this fic, but in reality, JJ is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE CHARACTER. I have a weakness for big douchebags who are only douchebags because they're squishy and awkward inside. I'm sorry for the sudden influx of people in the groupchat. I promise it won't get out of control, people are gonna come and go. Also, I'm sorry that everyone is so thirsty???
> 
> Anyways, leave me some nice comments!! I love you guys!!!


	9. Ep 9: don't dead open inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **yuri katsudon** : UNLESS I AM VERY MUCH MISTAKEN  
>  **yuri katsudon** : WHICH IS NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION AT THIS POINT  
>  **yuri katsudon** : VICTOR NIKIFOROV IS ALSEEP ON MY FLOOR
> 
> (aka The Entire First Season of Yuri!!! On Ice as told by The Great Figure Skating Group Chat)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is unusually short and I'm sorry about that. I have to thank my sister and her weird-ass friends for a large portion of this dialogue. Their groupchat is fuckin weird, man. Also, school is starting soon, so let's hope senior year of college doesn't delay the end of this mess...
> 
> Edgelords on Ice (still so many of them jfc)  
> Phichit Chulanont: peach-eat  
> Katsuki Yuri: yuri katsudon  
> Ji Guang-hong: hollywoodhong  
> Leo de la Iglesia: el leon  
> Christophe Giacometti: dance(a$$)  
> Georgi Popovich: popupbitch  
> Yuri Plisetsky: tigrrfashion  
> Emil Nekola: the real pewdiepie  
> Mickey Crispino: crispiNO  
> Minami Kenjirou: mini-me

_11:35 A.M._

**el leon** : so the dog’s alive  
**el leon** : but the question is  
**el leon** : is yuri alive?  
**peach-eat** : u think yakov would kill him?  
**el leon** : it’s possible  
**popupbitch** : hell no its not  
**popupbitch** : yakov couldnt kill anything  
**popupbitch** : one time he made mila kill a spider in his office  
**dance(a$$)** : you didn’t wanna kill the spider, Georgi?  
**popupbitch** : excuse me  
**popupbitch** : its a spider  
**popupbitch** : it wouldve killed me first  
**el leon** : fair

_11:41 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : I’m alive  
**peach-eat** : YAY  
**yuri katsudon** : And I can skate without Victor  
**peach-eat** : FUCK YEAH U CAN BBY  
**yuri katsudon** : I don’t want people thinking that all of my skill is from him  
**dance(a$$)** : only like 5%  
**dance(a$$)** : maybe 10%  
**el leon** : shut up yuri people are skating  
**yuri katsudon** : I’m skating today too…  
**el leon** : yeah and so are other people  
**el leon** : you aren’t special  
**yuri katsudon** : Who shit in your cornflakes, Jesus Christ  
**peach-eat** : OOOOH YURI ROAST EM

_2:18 P.M._

**peach-eat** : is anyone else seeing this  
**peach-eat** : rinkside  
**peach-eat** : like  
**peach-eat** : jj is standing real close to yurio  
**yuri katsudon** : No worries  
**yuri katsudon** : Yurio will punch him if he gets uppity  
**el leon** : bitch yurio will punch him if he breathes too loud  
**popupbitch** : itd be a blessing to witness  
**dance(a$$)** : amen

_2:22 P.M._

**peach-eat** : first upppp  
**peach-eat** : emilllll  
**the real pewdiepie** : lmao wish me luck  
**el leon** : dude you’re currently rinkside  
**hollywoodhong** : How are you on your phone??  
**the real pewdiepie** : my coach has no control over me  
**peach-eat** : you beautiful blessed little man  
**popupbitch** : the fuck  
**popupbitch** : yakov has never trusted me that much  
**popupbitch** : its been forty years  
**el leon** : georgi you’re 27  
**popupbitch** : I know

_2:24 P.M._

**el leon** : dude he’s doing real well  
**el leon** : those jumps are INSANE  
**el leon** : how has no one noticed him before????  
**peach-eat** : wha u mean  
**el leon** : like  
**el leon** : he’s not famous  
**popupbitch** : when did he debut  
**peach-eat** : idkkkkk  
**crispiNO** : WHAT KIND OF MEN DOES SARA LOVE?  
**hollywoodhong** : Mickey?  
**crispiNO** : IS IT SEXY CZECH MEN WHO SMILE AND LAUGH TOO MUCH?  
**peach-eat** : sexy  
**peach-eat** : oh my god he’s gay  
**peach-eat** : gay for Emil  
**dance(a$$)** : who isn’t?  
**peach-eat** : oh yeah high five  
**dance(a$$)** : I can’t high five you online  
**peach-eat** : ur not trying hard enough  
**crispiNO** : OR MOODY JAPANESE MEN WHO LOOK LIKE CLOSET PERVS?  
**popupbitch** : i have never heard yuri katsuki described so accurately  
**popupbitch** : can we keep this guy?  
**peach-eat** : no get fuckt  
**peach-eat** : that’s not nice  
**peach-eat** : yuri is sweet and innocent  
**popupbitch** : he is not  
**crispiNO** : NONE OF THEM ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR SARA  
**hollywoodhong** : Are you having a meltdown??  
**el leon** : oooh nope emil is having the meltdown  
**el leon** : fell during the combo

_2:26 P.M._

**peach-eat** : nice final pose  
**popupbitch** : looks like he hurt his knee  
**peach-eat** : tru  
**dance(a$$)** : wait wait what’s wrong with Mickey  
**popupbitch** : well sara is up here with me and mila, if that clears anything up  
**dance(a$$)** : you’re AT THE EVENT?  
**popupbitch** : im fucking russian  
**popupbitch** : you think i wouldnt go?  
**popupbitch** : its in my backyard  
**dance(a$$)** : oh my gosh wait shut up  
**dance(a$$)** : I think Mickey Crispino is actually cute  
**dance(a$$)** : I think???  
**dance(a$$)** : guys???  
**el leon** : he’s got pretty eyes  
**the real pewdiepie** : mickey is kind of a dick  
**peach-eat** : EMIL PLZ  
**yuri katsudon** : I think it’s the purple outfit  
**yuri katsudon** : It makes him look tanner  
**dance(a$$)** : oooh good thoughts, Yuri, good thoughts  
**el leon** : this choreo is like  
**el leon** : REALLY familiar  
**peach-eat** : y tho  
**yuri katsudon** : I agree  
**yuri katsudon** : I feel like I’ve skated it…  
**yuri katsudon** : Like, at least twelve times.  
**popupbitch** : thats oddly specific  
**el leon** : is he wearing an untied bow tie  
**el leon** : he looks like he just left mormon prom  
**dance(a$$)** : Mormon prom?  
**el leon** : oh holy fuck you guys aren’t americans  
**el leon** : oh my god

_2:26_

**popupbitch** : its mesmerizing  
**popupbitch** : and kind of cute  
**hollywoodhong** : What is…  
**popupbitch** : crispino  
**popupbitch** : hes skating for love <3  
**el leon** : GEORGI I’M CHOKING  
**el leon** : WHAT THE ACTUALY FCUK  
**dance(a$$)** : awwwww Georgi you’re so cuuuute  
**el leon** : oh fuck yeah mickey is cute  
**peach-eat** : ha  
**the real pewdiepie** : MICKEY IS SO TALENTED  
**the real pewdiepie** : BRO  
**the real pewdiepie** : I’M CRYING  
**the real pewdiepie** : I THINK I’M CRYING  
**the real pewdiepie** : OH MY GOD  
**hollywoodhong** : Emil are you okay??  
**the real pewdiepie** : NO  
**popupbitch** : update  
**popupbitch** : sara just ran off and mila stared after her  
**popupbitch** : it was gay  
**peach-eat** : u would kno  
**popupbitch** : fuck off  
**dance(a$$)** : oh shit Mickey’s in first place

_2:29 P.M._

**crispiNO** : I think Sara is into Seunggil Lee  
**el leon** : well that’s too fuckin bad because he’s gay  
**crispiNO** : …are you fucking kidding me?  
**dance(a$$)** : no  
**crispiNO** : are any of you NOT fucking gay?  
**dance(a$$)** : no  
**peach-eat** : SEUNGGIL BABY  
**peach-eat** : YOU ALMOST FELL  
**popupbitch** : phichit shut the fuck up already  
**peach-eat** : NO  
**peach-eat** : I’M GONNA CLIMB THAT BOY LIKE A TREE

_2:33 P.M._

**el leon** : ooooh seunggil is in third  
**hollywoodhong** : Poor baby ;c  
**yuri katsudon** : He’s crying.  
**peach-eat** : REALLY?  
**yuri katsudon** : Yeah…  
**peach-eat** : YURI DON’T BREAK MY HEART LIKE THIS  
**el leon** : shhhh  
**el leon** : shh  
**el leon** : plisetsky is up  
**peach-eat** : oh SHIT  
**peach-eat** : that outfit is FIRE  
**el leon** : LITERALLY  
**peach-eat** : FIYAAAAAAAHHH  
**el leon** : shut up  
**peach-eat** : srry  
**dance(a$$)** : oh my GOD look at him go  
**hollywoodhong** : He’s so pretty!!!!  
**dance(a$$)** : look at his hair  
**popupbitch** : hes putting six jumps in the second half  
**hollywoodhong** : WHAT?!?  
**dance(a$$)** : that’s suicide  
**dance(a$$)** : even for this little demon  
**el leon** : …  
**el leon** : did  
**el leon** : did he just scream  
**peach-eat** : shithead?  
**peach-eat** : yeah  
**popupbitch** : twenty bucks says he was talkin to jj  
**yuri katsudon** : I think Yurio has a crush on JJ  
**peach-eat** : OH HELL YEAH  
**peach-eat** : ENEMIES TO LOVERS AU  
**peach-eat** : MY FAVORITE  
**popupbitch** : oh my god lilia is crying  
**yuri katsudon** : Georgi?  
**popupbitch** : yes yuri  
**yuri katsudon** : Can we get REALLY drunk after this?  
**yuri katsudon** : I think I’m gonna need it  
**popupbitch** : for you yuri?  
**popupbitch** : anything

_2:37 P.M._

**hollywoodhong** : HE’S IN FIRST PLACE  
**hollywoodhong** : YURIO NO  
**dance(a$$)** : oh shiiiiit  
**dance(a$$)** : yuri looks fucking depressed  
**popupbitch** : look at him  
**popupbitch** : havent seen dark circles like that since i looked in the mirror this morning  
**el leon** : damn georgi  
**el leon** : self-burn  
**dance(a$$)** : okay but isn’t yuri katsuki a beautiful, beautiful man?  
**popupbitch** : yes  
**hollywoodhong** : Yes <3333  
**dance(a$$)** : ooooh yuri no  
**tigrrfashion** : HE MISSED THE COMBO  
**tigrrfashion** : YURI NOOOOO  
**tigrrfashion** : THAT FUCKING PIG IS RUINING EVERYTHING  
**el leon** : oh hey yurio  
**tigrrfashion** : DON’T HEY ME  
**tigrrfashion** : TELL KATSUDON TO GET HIS FUCKING ACT TOGETHER  
**tigrrfashion** : HE LOOKS LIKE AN IDIOT  
**dance(a$$)** : I bet he’s havin the gay flashbacks  
**popupbitch** : anxiety?  
**dance(a$$)** : yeah same dif  
**popupbitch** : hes trying his best  
**el leon** : georgi they just panned the camera past you  
**el leon** : you look like you’re in love  
**popupbitch** : hes my fucking friend okay  
**el leon** : jeez sorry  
**the real pewdiepie** : hey why is Katsuki looking so constipated  
**dance(a$$)** : victor’s not there  
**crispiNO** : He looks like he’s gonna fucking cry  
**el leon** : he might  
**the real pewdiepie** : aw he touched down  
**the real pewdiepie** : bad luck, bro  
**tigrrfashion** : HE JUST LAID DOWN ON THE ICE LIKE AN ASSHOLE  
**the real pewdiepie** : oh hey it’s Plisetky  
**tigrrfashion** : …who let you fucks in here?  
**crispiNO** : Respect your elders, brat!  
**tigrrfashion** : WIN SOME MEDALS AND MAYBE I WILL, FUCKASS  
**hollywoodhong** : third place :o  
**hollywoodhong** : He’s in third place  
**the real pewdiepie** : fuck  
**dance(a$$)** : fuuuuuuck  
**popupbitch** : and you know what that means  
**el leon** : FUUUUUCK

_2:45 P.M._

**hollywoodhong** : THIS PROGRAM IS EVEN WORSE  
**hollywoodhong** : HE LOOKS LIKE A BROCCOLI  
**dance(a$$)** : WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS BOY’S COSTUMES???  
**el leon** : first jump is a quad fuck him  
**popupbitch** : “a new prince in the figure skating world”  
**popupbitch** : end my suffering  
**dance(a$$)** : three quads so far  
**dance(a$$)** : he’s such an ass  
**yuri katsudon** : I can just hear his internal monologue  
**peach-eat** : ughhh  
**dance(a$$)** : FOUR QUADS  
**el leon** : fuck jj

_2:48 P.M._

**el leon** : …  
**el leon** : he took first  
**el leon** : yurio is second  
**el leon** : mickey is third…  
**el leon** : then yuri  
**el leon** : fuck  
**el leon** : but he makes it to the gpf

_2:55 P.M._

**peach-eat** : so  
**peach-eat** : now we have our 6 GPF finalists  
**peach-eat** : DRUM ROLL PLZ  
**hollywoodhong** : *drum rolling*  
**peach-eat** : thnx bby  
**peach-eat** : CHRISTOPHE GIACOMETTI  
**dance(a$$)** : thank you, thank you!! ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/  
**peach-eat** : OTABEK ALTIN  
**peach-eat** : JJ LEROY  
**el leon** : get fukt  
**peach-eat** : YOUR OWN LOCAL HERO  
**peach-eat** : PHICHIT CHULANONT  
**peach-eat** : RUSSIA’S FAIRY, YURI PLISETSKY  
**peach-eat** : AND THE BEAUTIFUL  
**peach-eat** : THE ETHEREAL  
**peach-eat** : THE EVER KIND AND SWEET AND AWKWARD  
**peach-eat** : YURI KATSUKI  
**peach-eat** : YAAAAAYYY!!

_2:57 P.M._

**crispiNO** : YURI FUCKING KATSUKI JUST HUGGED SARA  
**crispiNO** : AND THEN ME  
**the real pewdiepie** : dude chill it was cute  
**the real pewdiepie** : I hugged him too  
**the real pewdiepie** : he was warm!  
**the real pewdiepie** : and he just got Seunggil  
**peach-eat** : YURI U HUGGED MY MAN  
**the real pewdiepie** : and JJ, holy fuck bro  
**the real pewdiepie** : oh my GOD he’s chasing Plisetsky down the hall  
**the real pewdiepie** : ahahahahahahahhaahha  
**the real pewdiepie** : he looks dead inside  
**el leon** : don’t dead open inside  
**the real pewdiepie** : YES  
**the real pewdiepie** : BRO  
**the real pewdiepie** : YOU GET IT

_6:12 P.M._

**tigrrfashion** : ANY RUMORS YOU HEAR ABOUT ME SHARING MY GRANDPA’S PIROSHKI WITH KATSUDON  
**tigrrfashion** : THEY’RE LIES  
**tigrrfashion** : COMPLETE LIES  
**tigrrfashion** : I HATE HIS FUCKING GUTS  
**dance(a$$)** : oh baby  
**dance(a$$)** : yuri already video chatted with us  
**dance(a$$)** : we already knew  
**tigrrfashion** : FUCK OFF  
**tigrrfashion** : I HATE YOU GUYS

_11:49 P.M._

_**peach-eat** added **mini-me**_

**mini-me** : hey???  
**mini-me** : uhhh  
**mini-me** : so  
**peach-eat** : MINAMI  
**mini-me** : HI PHICHIT  
**mini-me** : I’M SCARED FOR MY LIFE  
**peach-eat** : WHAT BBY WHY???  
**mini-me** : I’m wearing all black and it’s night and I’m on the street  
**mini-me** : it’s dangerous  
**mini-me** : there’s a single car here and I’m scared!!  
**el leon** : where  
**mini-me** : in hasetsu!  
**el leon** : dude why  
**mini-me** : I watch the competitions at katsuki-senpai’s house!  
**el leon** : with his parents?  
**mini-me** : they cook for me!  
**mini-me** : oh god…  
**mini-me** : it’s some weird person on their ipad watching something  
**mini-me** : why would they come here to watch something???  
**mini-me** : they’re alone  
**popupbitch** : theyre probably watching porn  
**el leon** : where’s the wifi  
**popupbitch** : walk up and knock on the window  
**popupbitch** : youll either die or see someone masturbating  
**popupbitch** : so it’s win win  
**mini-me** : both their hands are above the table  
**mini-me** : they’re not in a car!  
**hollywoodhong** : oh  
**mini-me** : they’re in the park  
**mini-me** : and now I’m some sketchy skater kid wearing all black loitering around on their phone!!!  
**mini-me** : all of the rules are being broken  
**mini-me** : both of us are going to be arrested  
**popupbitch** : cool  
**el leon** : get arrested no balls  
**hollywoodhong** : did you bring anything???  
**mini-me** : …my virginity  
**popupbitch** : okay  
**mini-me** : but I’m not leaving with it!  
**peach-eat** : are you gonna fuck the darkness  
**el leon** : go talk to “watches porn but doesn’t masturbate” guy  
**mini-me** : it’s called a joke, leo!  
**mini-me** : no wtf  
**mini-me** : who watches porn without masturbating  
**mini-me** : it isn’t a human being  
**dance(a$$)** : maybe he’s watching it for the plot  
**peach-eat** : or the memes  
**el leon** : dude minami what happened  
**el leon** : you got funny all of a sudden  
**el leon** : i’m proud  
**mini-me** : I THINK HE LOOKED OVER HERE  
**popupbitch** : go give him your virginity  
**mini-me** : update: he has a dog!!  
**el leon** : GIVE IT TO THE DOG  
**mini-me** : update: there’s a weird van idling  
**mini-me** : it just pulled up  
**mini-me** : update: weird guy is being weird in the passenger’s seat of his car  
**mini-me** : and now he’s back in the park  
**mini-me** : he’s carrying the dog?  
**mini-me** : it was all limp and weird??  
**mini-me** : update: he left  
**mini-me** : but the van is still here  
**el leon** : wow you’re gonna die tonight  
**mini-me** : there’s a nerf gun  
**popupbitch** : where  
**popupbitch** : are you sure its not a real gun  
**mini-me** : and now they’re gone  
**dance(a$$)** : well  
**dance(a$$)** : message us if you die okay?  
**mini-me** : okay

_12:10 A.M._

**yuri katsudon** : Hey, Minami?  
**yuri katsudon** : Victor just texted me and said he saw you in the park.  
**yuri katsudon** : He didn’t remember your name so he didn’t say hi…  
**yuri katsudon** : Also he was watching back the Rostelecom Cup.  
**yuri katsudon** : He missed it, in the vet’s office.  
**yuri katsudon** : He wanted me to tell you, for some reason.  
**el leon** : OH MY GOD IT WAS VICTOR  
**dance(a$$)** : OOOHHHHHH MY GOD  
**dance(a$$)** : I’M CRYING  
**el leon** : I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD IN MY FUCKING LIFE  
**el leon** : OH MY GOD MINAMI  
**el leon** : OH MY GOD

_**mini-me** left the group_

_2:21 A.M._

**the real pewdiepie** : you know, yurio likes to pretend he’s edgy  
**the real pewdiepie** : and jj thinks he’s such hot shit  
**the real pewdiepie** : and so does mickey  
**the real pewdiepie** : but like  
**the real pewdiepie** : at the end of the day  
**the real pewdiepie** : we’re all fuckin ice skating, man  
**the real pewdiepie** : twinkle toes  
**the real pewdiepie** : it’s worse than ballet bc it’s fucking cold as shit  
**the real pewdiepie** : and we wear way more sparkles  
**the real pewdiepie** : it’s not edgy or cool  
**the real pewdiepie** : we’re fucking lame ass ice dancers  
**the real pewdiepie** : I’ve cried twice today  
**the real pewdiepie** : once because a sequin fell off my outfit and once because mickey said my goatee was lopsided  
**the real pewdiepie** : we need to pipe the fuck down  
**peach-eat** : are you drunk  
**the real pewdiepie** : frankly I’m offended that you had to ask  
**the real pewdiepie** : of course  
**the real pewdiepie** : I just got booted out of the grand prix series  
**peach-eat** : emil i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is a weird place to advertise, but I’ve hit a really bad bout of writer’s block…and the thing that helps me get out of these little creative voids most is PROMPTS. So, if you guys are interested, PLEASE comment here/message my main tumblr (@narcissismforthewin) ANY fanfiction that you want written. For free. Rarepairs. NSFW. Anything your little heart desires!! I can write anything for: Yuri!!! on Ice, Haikyuu!!, Free!, Attack on Titan, Boku no Hero Academia, Mob Psycho 100, Black Butler, One Punch Man, Ouran High School Host Club, and Miraculous Ladybug. Please, guys, I need something to force me to keep writing!! I'm dying!!!
> 
> EDIT: FYI, when we get to 10k hits and 1k kudos, I WILL cry. I've never written something that popular before.

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, this is a thing that's happening. I'm already feeling the regret. Comments? Concerns? Lemme know!!


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